blocs were terrible for me.. struggling inside.. the kind that God plans to change you drastically. For weeks I had been praying for the Lord to break me cos i knew that the life I was leading, I was in charge. But, when i really did came.. my obedience wasnt immediate. ughh.. but really wanna see what He can do this time..I dont see a point in studying, I hate it. But for some weird reason I always strive and do well for it cos its the only thing I show to my family about me. They are left out on the rest of my life.


Well, not a B on any of my national or international exams so far. Now A's will be in His hands, not mine anymore.


Throughout the whole process, I was dying.. before it really started, I was shattered. But when it really came.. it was much better (maybe cos i could really tell myself its ending ). It went away fast too and tomorrow's the day things resume. But I shall not.
Leaned on him so much this period, I dont want it all to go away. I want His presence to stay. Motivation: Mummy Meiyi's card..."surely the arm of the Lord is not too short to save, nor His ears too dull to hear" its on my table all along.. not in its envelope but opened. facing me as i study. Then now, i decided to take out all my past cards and letters and neocards and neoprints. Looked at them, memories flooded in.
Rachel//Zhijun//PRIS.MS.STANCE//RVNP
those days, really fond memories.. rv sucks i used to say.. now its rv system. not the ppl.. not even some of the teachers..
ms cheong-i saw her green note she gave to all her students and it read "You've improved a lot this year. Must continue to work hard in JC. Ha.. must have deliberately drawn all the structures wrongly right? Either to test me or to make me 'vomit blood' " lol.. the farewell note i wrote to her had a backdrop of many organic molecules, with structures all ridiculously wrong.. just for the fun of it. haha. That was me, then.

And i thought back. Mr Chew, who knew that he didnt want to merely teach social studies or history, he want to teach us. Sacrificing his time to talk to us whenever he felt that we were down or sad or demoralised. Took the time to encourage us to spur us on, erm sometimes to scare us so we wont slacken. haha. Thanks!

There was Mrs Ho too, intersting teacher. Always trying her best. Young lady with deep thoughts. Hope her daughter isnt giving her sleepless nights still..
Awwww.. those were the best teachers in my upper secondary life.. changed me a lot.. esp ms cheong.. i can proudly say.. I am not most intersted in chemistry now, BUT ITS MY BEST SUBJECT MS CHEONG!!! haha.

Then was the RVnp stuff.. i read through it and found out that Jing Min and Zhijun really did look up to me...took pride in my np stuff although interpersonal stuff were in a mess..only girl to pass the ssgt test. it was a great consolation then, when the squad practically just fell out. and i rmb jm's friendster testi.."her passion for doing things often gives mi the drive to do things =) " haha. i wonder where that part of me is now.. i slack at cca slack at sch.. i need something that i can do my best in. definitely not the books that is. something PHYSICAL.. haha. i miss friendship in school.. i think the Lord has blessed me with pamy poo le.. she came like within a week of my prayers..I told the Lord i was so lonely and sad in hc, haha. And she was RVian..that was one big thing to me. and Christian.. fantastic!
I miss my crazy 4B friends.. i miss pris ms stance.. CRAZINESS is what is lacking in my life.. everyone i know now is not crazy enough.

That day on the bus home with joanna.. i laughed so hard i havent laughed for this year.. not even in NJ.. its an RV thing to me. but i had been laughing like that in RV everyday with pris ms stance. and even harder.

I still remember the tree at the RV new block corridor.. The tree that grew so near the building ms stance pris could all reach it and pull it. But i (being the shortest and thus my arms the shortest) just couldnt reach it and they had to pull it in for me to reach it.. hehe.. but then. i pulled it so hard that it would stay there. and everyday i could reach it.. lol.. and we wrote our names on the tree leaves, and shredded its leaves saying that it is its hair, then we curled the 'hair' by using the scissors (the way you make a paper strip curl)---we gave her a name.."Good friend" we were so so so crappy crazy and merry.. i was reading stance's od the other day, her past entries that i pat her head when she was sad..


now i dont even have a good friend in hc..those were the days.. haish.. i feel so old and superficial these days like adults are supposed to be?? *shrugs*i guess thats what they call maturity--cant play cant be crazy.. do work and be responsible! so silly.. why is play associated with irresponsibility. I play but i get results what.. if i dont play i dont get results too actually.. pathetic society


2 years.. just 2 years I wil be an undergrad. MAUAHAHAHA. yucks. can i take O levels three times to get back to those happy times?? haha