the day started badly
i was late
and the time i woke up was the time i was to leave HC to go over to NJ. felt like a big fat bum. worse still i grumbled so much at mummy meiyi when she called to wake me up. PMS man.


aye, but got there, joined the hc concert. couldnt leave hc liao.. had to forget abt going for NJ. and i even told yulei bring a skirt for me. :'( sorry girl.
then celeb with cake at classbench. mrs kohs son is so cute and sweet lah. i like his shirt. blue's clues.. my favourite cartoon..Titus rocks.


went out with 4B after that..went to RV. chen yu yun forgot my name lah. i thought i was naughty enough to be remembered. darnn. i go back primary sch even tchers taht never teach me also konw me. haha, this shows that im very guai already. *pats myself*
finally took neoprint at bugis with pris ms stance. so funn.. we were changing the backgrounds..then decide to do partitions with the boards..but the pen had problems, so the decos werent nice. miss them soo soo soo very much.
then went to join the class at seoul garden. oh my, mrs ho is pregnant again. haha, she rocks lahh, even so long le still come and see us. end year got her house warming too (=


went seoul garden without paying. but didnt really eat either, cos we ate at bugis le. we just walked in like nothing liddat. haha, then helped weijin and the guys cook. the whole table of MEATT. gross lorr
and they finish it in a few minutes time. craziness. will upload the photos later. hehe.


went home with qihan jeff and jo. super funny we went in and hold on to imaginary handles cos we were near the door. then whole row of us holding on to imaginary handles, like really got liddat cos ppl who came in didnt think anything was wrong. or perhaps we were just amusing ourselves. then we all held on to an imaginary pole, and swayed tgt according to the train's movements. haha.

i miss 4Blaze so much. huo niao rocks. i miss every single one of you. ms stance pris gil jo yanling (and her bibotic crap) melvin and lushan fighting jerry trying to overturn my pencil case every 5 seconds qihan shiu joy cy having the "tiniest handwriting" competition jingxin youquan and their free tissue paper supply you guys rock beyond imagination

mum just ordered cable tv. must admit its rather addictive. must control myself.
everything is permissible for me - but i will not mastered by anything 1 Cor 6:12
but anw, i was toggling between two channels - BBC news and Discovery though i watched 30 mins of spongebob.

BBC news had this: 53 deaths due to Hurricane Katrina
what really saddened me was not the footage on the devastated landscape but this man who told abt what happened when the hurricane struck his house. his wife said to him "you cant hold me any longer, you cant. take good care of the kids" after which she was swept away along with half of the house they were in. he couldnt find her body after the hurricane left the area. stranded and lost, he plead - in front of the camera and the children his wife left him with.
well, he was a strong able bodied man. it must have took all of his strength and might to keep his wife with him. some how when he told his story, i felt so deeply for him. and then i saw the children. have you ever seen ur dad cry and plead for help in front of you. we are just so protected and sometimes i wonder, if anything close to a natural disaster hit us, would Singaporeans be able to take it. emotionally and economically.
the generation that built the nation from the 60s has passed. this is a new generation that has every been protected and shielded in most every aspect.

Discovery had the exact oppostite: documentary on a handful of births in 9 different countries - UK, US, China, Ethiopia, Paris, India etc
2 chinese couples were featured.
one was blessed with a smooth labour, and a son. they can only have one kid so having a son was more than anything to the families.
the other couple had TWIN BOYS. sounds great isnt it? but the boys were under grave danger. and the couple spent all their live savings to move them to an ICU ward, paying only a portion of the initial costs. the nurses were first concerned abt the money the father has to pay before she moved them to the ICU ward. but the father said "i will pay what ever it takes to get my children treatment" and so the nurses let him through (with verification of the couple's jobs and their ability to pay the outstanding amt of course)

Ethiopia. a lady who lost her husband 5 months ago and endured many tragic events during her pregnancy gave birth to a child. nurses had problems calming her down. for the grief of her husbands death was weighing her down. her son's arrival reminds her of her beloved's departure. now she had to raise her son, alone, somehow.

but all the stories ended well, not all were perfect but it had one thing: hope which was in life. with life comes hope and without it all is lost. brings me back thinking abt the euthanasia and right to die stuff. there was no hope in the case of Katrina. for the search of the body only allows consolation and the path ahead stays the same for the family. a life without the deceased is unchangable.
but though many babies were born with different fates, different status, and some even with difficulties already set ahead..there was a chance.. there was a hope that things could be for the better.

with life comes hope.

古人一句寒窗十年，其中包含着无数的辛酸、不少的煎熬、熬夜苦读甚至是饮食起居的妥协。念书，考取功名，成官成才，耀宗耀祖是了不起之事啊。考到状元，板眼，甚至是探花的荣衔乃是何等大的盼望。念书被人看为，有前途、有才干，也是脱离困境最好的途径。
我国建国以来，政府视教育也如此。刚独立的新加坡贫困得很，但教育建起了我国一代又一代年轻有为的劳工。至今教育也是每个国人的必经之路了。有人中途退学、有人荣获硕士文凭，有人完成基本教育便出外打工、有人年过二十也未到社会吸取经验。教育甚至成为了一种竞争，不少国人寒窗十七年毕业后找不着工作。难怪有人称毕业为失业。
我们的教育制度，目的失去了吗，达成了吗？盲目的苦读考取好成绩，夺取了不少青年在人生的方向感。今天你问一个成绩特优的孩子他的目标是啥，若他说：“我人生的目标是在Ａ水准重考到好成绩。”，不要太惊讶但他并不是个孤立的案子。生活对一些年轻人仅仅就是学业而已。他们只懂得盲目的服从盲目的跟随，人生到什么阶段就把它做好从不为自给要什么有何理想而去安排。随波逐流的态度在现在的工作一族也能轻微的看到。
教育有在进步吗？比起从前的古人，我们国人对学习的态度是改善了还是退化了？？
从前的人视教育为人生成功的一个途径。
而在一些国人眼中，成绩与成功竟成了对比。

I seriously need to wake up. Slap me. For now, i hope Mr Pang will just give me CS next mon when i see him.
我真的有设法起床。怎么别人办得那么容易的是我费尽力气都无法摆脱。今天，敬慧说要成为一个好的见证。而我知道，那需要我生命没有这种恶习。我就是还没胜过从前的我，迟睡迟起的坏习惯从小五就培养了，至今也有七年了。说无法说不能是软弱是自甘堕落实自暴自弃。但费尽力气，只能够维持一小段时间准时到学校上课的记录也实在是太无奈了。我心中难道不想早到吗？不要，不要再跟我说我应该如何。我已经知道，我已经在尝试。告诉我，怎么办到怎么摆脱怎么胜过这可恶沉睡的灵。

mugged a little today. a little compared to what is needed to be mugged.
then at night went to take todays stuff from pamela poo. and we saw the coke vending machine. so decided to try the dail-a-coke thingy. so we dailed a soyabean milk. haha. didnt really want to drink much but wanted to try it anw. haha.

let's see. im supposed to do
Bio SPA fun exercises
Physics fluids tutorial
Curve sketching
revise Chemisty - mass spec, atomic struc, periodicity 1 & 2, gases
revise Biology - cell organelles, proteins, enzymes

by tonight.cos i basically forgot all about revision last week. so this week i have to catch up according to the schedule i wrote. plus the tests this week. i can do it cos i got a SUPERHERO helping me. hehe.

trapped in a cycle. a viscous one. i cant break out i cant run away.
the strong deception that i'm out of it. that it has gone. that i almost celebrated my break through. then it came again.. all in a day. the very things i thought were out of my life came back. full force. hit me off the ground. and im in that cycle again. just the next stage.

if i dont break it i'll be broken.

i am must be not fine.
well promos are hot on my heels.
todays a break before the storm comes. the hours of tedious and grueling mugging are approaching and will be here in a little more than 24hours. rather proud of myself.
i finally overcame my psychological barrier and did oscillations tutorial. got most correct except for the star questions.
i did my inherited change structured questions.
i packed my room, my files, swept the floor after weeks of leaving it alone. i'm going to mop the floor but obviously because my sister and i have not been mopping our rooms, the mop has hardened and is now soaking in a tub of water while i blog.
im going to do my math tutorial again. starting from tutorial 3. i have just a few hours to reach curve sketching..my oh my.
and not forgetting GP aQ on euthanasia.
euthanasia will end all this homework and promos though is badd..

i just failed my other math lecture test again.

I was looking though my past blog entries just now, obviously i have abandoned it because its server is perpetually down, as most RV bloggers should know. Hah, i was laughing at myself, being angry at really minute things and realised that my back problems is not a recent thing but has worsened since i was secondary three. goodness, its time to change my 14 year old bed. and as i read the entries i saw how i became anticlass to enthu-class. 4B ROCKS. and it still does. will it ever be with my present class?? such a future seems rather bleak. i was so against the school administration and reading through my blog reminded me of things the school did. But now i see the problems they had when they refused to let the triple science people go home after exams in secondary three and in many decisions they made. in my blog was the whole path of the np conflict thing, so much so that it has lasted until even when i went back for ROD. it was still in all our hearts, like a sore.
haha, how much i have changed and thats why i am looking forward to the 16pf personality test the school is scheduling for all of us. wonder what i am now.. from pure D (or choleric)to i guess a IC or CI?? i dont want S for sure..
at least i know now i am not as insensitive as before. hah, although sometimes it gets tempting to joke at people like mushroom ch.

in anyway, its a change for the better at least now i am more peaceful inside.=)
gone are the days away from Him


haha.. i just did the personality test.

Choleric (D) Sanguine (I) Phlegmatic (S) Melancholy(C)
Overall
Melancholy:6
Phlegmatic:6
Sanguine:18
Choleric:10
Strengths
Melancholy:3
Phlegmatic:4
Sanguine:10
Choleric:3
Weakneses
Melancholy:3
Phlegmatic:2
Sanguine:8
Choleric:7

today i took the train for baptism classes early in the morning. really tiredd.
i was semi conscious on the way. but i was looking around. at the ppl.

there were many teens. some holding notes studying on the train. others talking passionately to their friends about topics close to heart. one of them blasting his player so loudly the whole car could hear his song. a song that kept me from sleeping. a song that i could not make out the words. a song that reminded me of an article i read on the newspaper. on a band. wearing scary masks in the concert. driven not by love are these guys but by the strong emotions. just like the one with the number 666. he will utillise these emotions of man.

Ignorance was what i saw. that there is a pressing need to wake these souls up. show them what exactly they are doing. having fun they might say, enjoying life.
laboratory mice go through a period of painlessness when they feel nothing and just lie there, but little do they know that they are going to be killed next. and the painlessness, or relaxation is due to cholorfoam.
No, its not relaxing, its harmful.and you're going to be next if you are so intensely soaked in worldy things. dont tell me you actually know what the singer is rapping.. cos i bet it'll make sense only when you play it backwards.
and i wondered. how did the society change so much since i was young. i look at singapore today. i look at the society of the developed world now. i feel what the Lord feels. pain. his creation is away from Him. he told us to be alert. but look at us.
i never noticed. i knew it was happening. i knew there are ppl in singapore. but i never expected that it was so real. so close to me. so widespread and urgent.

these ppl "enjoy" and pass away. and the beast claims their soul. not the Creator.
among these are my parents. daddy who first told me--God loves me. now says "I've been deceived for over forty years. I was foolish." I cant tell him the Word of God. for he already knew it. I cant explain it better for him, for dad must have had rebuked everything the Lord says in his heart before he let loose his grip on God.

among these are the very people i play and study and eat tgt every single day. my classmates.
i am far from perfection. and i feel that its not possible for me to tell them this good news such that they really take it. for their eyes are set on worldy things. their scale belongs to the world. i am judged by those standards. full of sin i am in the world of God and only by His grace i continue to experience His love. i have to change to change others. but im already trying so hard. and i see the urgency to tell them all about this. this amazing gospel.
its more urgent than As even if it is tomorrow and i havent studied anything.
its more urgent than anything on earth. for it is written: the Day and the Hour unknown. and will catch us offguard.

ohh yayy.. i went to SOP today. something like Festival of Praise lahh. just that its in chinese.
was rather fun le. though we were late we could squeeze in..sat on the floor. cos no more seats. but made no difference cos most of the time we were standing mahh. HALLELUJAH!!!
today is day full of Gods grace.
met for PW today. things cropped up le. but i had His peace in my heart =)
and things could be done in time, i went home had time to eat my breakfast, mum cooked buddha jump over the wall o.O
early for youth group. though its cos whaley and i took a cab. very excited to go partly cos i didnt join them for their super fun games at ecp due to my knee injury. sianzz.
supperr happyy todayy.. yippee~~
The Joy of the Lord is my strength.
slept at 0530am and woke up at nine. now its almost 2am but i am still rather sober. lol

this holidays has been great.
Though I didnt get to do all the work i wanted. though im super far from all the work i intended to do, i have had a perfectly good rest.
waking up at noon on everyday. though i tell myself to wake up at 7am every night.

its the same on monday. thats why erm, i wasnt there.. not cos of my leg. but cos i was too late.
lol, but anw.. my knee is incredibly miraculously and totally healed by the Lord =)
Hallelujah!!
weee~ work is piling. I thank the Lord for the rest=)

[edit] sixuan shifu! i just saw that entry to me.. thanks so muchh. =D
数年人生摧毁了当年的我，如今弟子判若两人。but our friendship still stays. the best memories of 2Invincible/02 i have is you. and the chess sessions we have[/edit]

overflowing with concern from all around me. but none from you. the one that matters most.

the joy of the Lord will be my strength. its hard. but i know i have to be glad. be thankful. for my sorrows and worries are nothing but entertainment for the enemy. every time a tear flows down my cheek, the enemy beams in joy and claps his filthy hands.
i will not be beaten by you. i have the trump card with me, i have a victor on my side. I have the Great and Almighty Jesus. He has beaten you hands down when you tempted Him in the desert. He has beaten death and risen from the dead. And this victory I have, from Him.

I praise you with all my heart, Lord Jesus. Help me overcome the enemy..he's jealous of us =)

end febuary 2005:
my knee came into an awkward position during touch rug training
i continued to attack (i was doing crash up, how could i stop?)
then it hurt a little. so i went to rest
it became worse the next few days

then it took 5 long months to heal.. by then i was in hc. i was in canoe. and NAPFA had passed by.

on wednesday this week, i could finally take my NAPFA. tcher wasnt here, time to try out a bit!!
yayy, i tried SBJ. a few times.. *piak* there went the knee again.
i'm now spotted leaving lectures asap, but reaching the next venue last.
i'm now easily seen hopping around in awkward body posture.

one of the heads of rvnp is medically exempted from NAPFA this year. gosh.


well, this is something to be proud of - i finished my bio indept learning notes. time:0044h. time taken: approx. 9h. what an inefficient person i am. study long. study hard. study stupid. typical of rv. and i thought i was smart. haha.