so screwwwweddd for physics tmr
what am i doing here?
EoM.. haha. its kindda bad too. i have like 4 things to cover with 100 words left.25 words per point??
tried 2004 physics paper today
i got 48.7% !!! wow.. i failed again.
and mr gow says its an easy paper. oh wells.



got a new bed from xiang ge and wen ling. yayayy
no more back aches??
then can do pull ups properly
chiong-ing canoe after promos! rahhh
and i m going to sell or my secular CDs after promos one for two bucks
i bet i can around a hundred from it.
haha
and loads of random stuff in my room.



J - E - S - U - S!!! YES,
HE IS THE KING OF ME,
HE IS THE KING OF THE UNIVERSE
THE JUNGLE AND THE SEA
BUBBLE BUBBLE BUBBLE..

heheh
good luck to all!

three cakes.
one surprise. fourbestestbuds. i love you guys.
ms stance pris gave me a surprise after sch. and we were as noisy as usual getting attention from dr tan at the staff table that she knew it was my bdae too!
you guys ponned lessons for me. you guys made my day. *hugs tightly*
we were so amused abt lighting candles! haha.

of course. there were my dear conerstone friends. mummy made peach cheese cake!! wahhh. the cake is like buy one.. can go set up shop already. haha. :D and she woke up at four am to add the final layer of the cake.. o.O you rock!
yaoyao xiangge and pastor was there too!! hehe. thank you thank you thank you all.


this year i found that long time friends still rmb my bdae! and had messages streaming in from ppl. though i think some i the news was spread around in nj. haha. cos the msgs were in sequence. haha. or perhaps im thinking too much.



sms-ers pris boonie mz ningning elmo-yanti sam zb xiumin! alycia joanne linghui
prezz s78//cake&monkeyclip pris.ms.stance//tevaslippers.surprise celeb!!!! *muacks* mummy//cheesecake.sweetnote xianggejie//greatcd! (im listening to it now:D) pam.yyy.faq//coolsweater guangfeng//mooncakebox?? hah. drtan!//pokychocbiscuits
wishers jonana!! andy (and with a funny smile) s78-ers rach drtan boonie weishu!!!! jiebing weijin
sorry if i left anyone out. haha.





tell me Lord. camp or thai trip.

tmrs my big day.
wahaha. im turning 17. okay.. erm, gotta grow up?
NAHHHHH. i wont!
the day will be spent in sch and church. :D
dinner with meiyijie. hahah.




only a year apart and theres a big gap.
i see the present. so lovely so much effort, so sweet. so far away and forgone.

this entry is for dearest shifu.
thank you so much.


my life aint that fantastic as it appears online. i dont even find it enjoyable. im dying. of stress, of underperfomance. or perhaps the expectations of others peers and myself.
then i saw what you wrote. just a few lines. but they lifted up my downcast spirit.
i indeed miss those times we spent playing chess during lessons. weilong and daniel. hey girl, i miss you so.
we cant turn time back. im not so sure we get to do those things again. but i guess youre one of those who walked into my life, and stayed on. though not physically at all. thats the beauty of our relationship eh.
i have a special connection with this special friend of mine. we had no choice but to sit tgt. but we willed things to be how they are now.


i guess when someone says she appreciates you. and then says shes even jealous of your life. no matter how hard the road actually is, you now look at those things you have that others dont get.


my closest buds are not in hc at all. except prisy pris.
and friends dont really get in touch in this vast brown campus. things are going on everywhere. people are buzzing about. no time to slow down no time to talk no time to connect. and somehow, people just drift apart like that.


人在高处不胜寒，很贴切的形容了我现在的心情。
but because of what you wrote shifu, that now i see that i have all these gifts. gifts people may sacrifice all they have to get. i shld learn to appreciate them. not lament.
hard is the road ahead of me now, but no other road is any easier. the road i am on, is a little harder, but much more rewarding. i believe.

today i was broke. but starving so borrowed two bucks from yyy to eat lunch. then went to the vending machine to buy a drink.
its a cranky machine you know, always have to press twice for the packet to fall out. so i always bang it hard hoping that it'll only take once for the packet to come out.
today i banged it as usual, maybe not as hard even.
then as i was leaving, there were clanking sounds from the machine.
i looked at it, the display showed "1.00" when i only inserted 40 cents in.
so i was thinking, hey.. its cranky again. maybe i got a dollar for free.. hehehehe
then i bent down, the sound was still on.. and the change slot was so full the coins rolled out. six one dollar gold coins i found.

just as i was needy.
You provided. just when i least expected. =D

okie. craps over. trantrums done with. haha, ignore it mann.
anw. im still thinking of my milk question. i want milk!! milk rocks. haha, the most wonderful drink the Lord created. all natural.
evolution topic is coming.
was really fascinated by it but now i pray for wisdom that i see through it. dont let me be convinced by Darwin's warped theory during lectures. i definitely dont want to be from a monkey.

i had so much to say to you. so many things to ask.
yes i know. or perhaps i think so. this is a zero-tolerance world.
no stupidity
no errors
no mess
no trouble
no nothing people dislike.
no
no
no.

its a "go away kid, grown-ups need to do stuff."
just beat it. grow up. stop being what i am now. child-likeness sucks. immaturity is more like the word to use. aint it to you guys

yes im but like a kid. i like being that way. i LIKE IT. you got a problem?? go away. i have my world too okay.
i dont need you. anyone of you.
i can help myself.
it has always been so hasnt it.
i dont understand you so called grown ups. and i dont see why i must become like one of you to be mature. i dont see you yourself being any more selfless than i am. we are equally selfish. at least i admit it.


went for a walk for the first time in my life?
made home in record time maybe cos i was so fuming mad when i alighted the train. thought of so many stuff. angry things. frustrating things. irritating things. i didnt realise this guy was edging on me. disgusting china man. and i thought maybe he just didnt have space.
i moved until i felt i was squeezing the prsn next to me too. then i couldnt stand it after a few stops. and scolded him. he pretended nothing happened and alighted the next stop. how i felt like punching him. im not in a good mood and already was on the violent side. wanted to like slap him at least.
obviously i didnt.
was all puffing mad on the walk home. took less than 10 mins to walk what i would usually need 20 mins at least.
saw lamp posts on the way and felt like plunging my fist into them. dent them as much as i can. but i knew that all would happen was my kunckles will bleed. couldnt stand it when i reached the lift home and punched the wall. the whole lift shook and the sound was resonating in my ears.
i want to shout out loud. like i did at pandan reservior last time. went downstairs for that purpose. then i thought my screams would disturb the people around. darnn. i need a shouting place. sis was at home slping or i would have screamed my head off.

i detest this world more and more.
i wanna leave. call it running away from problems and avoiding.
thats all i want now. i cant take it anymore.
everything is getting suckier.

childish thoughts. throwing tantrums. whatever you call what i am doing now. i dont give a damn. go away. everybody.
i wish i could just scream till all my blood vessels rupture, till my aorta bursts and i die.
or some terrorist come stab me to inflict fear. let me be that terribly "unlucky" one.

this morning i was having my favourite breakfast: milk with honey stars
while enjoying, i was thinking. do i get to eat this in heaven.

do cows have spirits?
and do their spirits go to heaven too??
can we milk their spirits in heaven???

or maybe i can just ask the Lord for cow's milk, cold fresh and refridgerated. and He'll say "okay!" and a humongous cup magically appears. heehee.

my moods swinging really badly.
today it felt like it was going to plunge again. then poof came joy to the rescue. just at the right time.
went out to mugg with her. Thanks Girl!! for ur company.

got so many people to thank. im feeling much better already although its not a big difference.

meiyi and michelle will be gone for a few dayss. ahh. hope i wont be too down then. boo. quite unhappy abt the canoe thing. didnt know it'll affect me that much. the fact of being sack is quite bad for me. as in, what kind of Testimony am i?! gosh, its time to put my stuff away and do the right thing.
no permanent mc for excuse like my sister suggested me do, though yes, for a period i really couldnt go.
but i have to explain the rest of the time. Lord help me. all these, you can do easily. i know =)

我不求外在困难短剪
我只求内心平安加添

=)
this may be an illusion but who cares. im happy now.
much better. having wx telling me abt sinusoidal spellings ytd while i was dragging myself to do work.
and christopher for his lame jokes on sunday. hah, which insect is most devoted to its religion??




praying mantis




which insect likes to curse under its own voice??






locus (low curse)





zzzz. haha. lamerr.
i guess the most unexpected ppl do cheer me up sometimes. not obliged to smile but i did. haha.
lalalah. im getting lemon cheese cake. i dont care if i get fatter this birthday. hehe.


aye, getting sacked outta canoe. asked meiyi and she say its good for me. for me to learn to manage things
arghhhhhhh. i dont enjoy trgs. dont ask me why. i just dont. ever since i joined. other than some better ones like running with chieh hwee..(the mushroom head swells)
going to talk to haoxia on friday gosh. means i have to squeeze my friday plans into the day before. rahhh. gotta run then.

its like a load off my back.
i wonder if there are strings from it though.
that when i walk on and may pull me back.
how do i know how do i check?
Lord, Lord, you do it for me, and watch my back.

okay things to be happy about:
my birthday's coming!!

and things to worry about:
promos -.-
baptism. arghh..i need a name..rahh, i need CLOTHES.
xiang ge jie's bdae prezz! and not forgetting sixuan shifu! born on the same day as me :D

so much din so much crap. in and out and around of me.
go away please, i'll snap anytime.

i guess im alright now. but i just dont feel like talking about it. dont want to feel anything for the time being. im glad that i have this peace and joy with me. i dont want to let it go. i dont want to be overwhelmed with negativities again. well, at least not for the time being. i wont be able to take it.
bible study today was as usual..but i just didnt want to talk about it now. sorry.

sis sprained her ankle today. heng never bring go sinseh. cos mum say maybe fracture..
mum's grumbling how tired she is and how silly we are not going to see the doc immediately
not as if i knew it was a fracture rite. who would think that hopping on one leg a few times early in the morning would cause a fracture. i aint a certified medical personell like her, i was just a civil defence member in NPCC and all i learnt in primary school Red Cross was armslings.
sis is grumbling about how lack of concern mum has and how she keeps blaming sis for the delayed treatment. then all breaks lose and they are shouting about household chores. give me break.

though not all acknowledge You,
Your love sticks with them.
they may be in denial
but never away from Your control.


Your love is just like superglue,
one of the materials You used to make us


the pressure in my chest is so great
i can feel my heart being squeezed
and probably shattered into millions of pieces


with blurred vision I look up to You
i cant fight back the tears
nor ignore the piercing pain


here it is Lord, in my trembling hands
please take it, and stick it back.
with love.
for i know not what else to do but to give it to You.

see funny symbols below?? go view go encoding go Unicode (UTF-8) to view

拒之一门外
独战风雪寒
心惦柴屋适
何时容得己
为有己不是
岂能怆涕下


冬极心深处
唯获颤之答
门终不为我
自寻林外屋
added a little to what i wrote previously


地上万事旋
天上圣人泣
人心盲而麻
属袮曳不摇
因灵居我心
暖流胜冬深
but this is for You