i had so much to say to you. so many things to ask.
yes i know. or perhaps i think so. this is a zero-tolerance world.
no stupidity
no errors
no mess
no trouble
no nothing people dislike.
no
no
no.

its a "go away kid, grown-ups need to do stuff."
just beat it. grow up. stop being what i am now. child-likeness sucks. immaturity is more like the word to use. aint it to you guys

yes im but like a kid. i like being that way. i LIKE IT. you got a problem?? go away. i have my world too okay.
i dont need you. anyone of you.
i can help myself.
it has always been so hasnt it.
i dont understand you so called grown ups. and i dont see why i must become like one of you to be mature. i dont see you yourself being any more selfless than i am. we are equally selfish. at least i admit it.


went for a walk for the first time in my life?
made home in record time maybe cos i was so fuming mad when i alighted the train. thought of so many stuff. angry things. frustrating things. irritating things. i didnt realise this guy was edging on me. disgusting china man. and i thought maybe he just didnt have space.
i moved until i felt i was squeezing the prsn next to me too. then i couldnt stand it after a few stops. and scolded him. he pretended nothing happened and alighted the next stop. how i felt like punching him. im not in a good mood and already was on the violent side. wanted to like slap him at least.
obviously i didnt.
was all puffing mad on the walk home. took less than 10 mins to walk what i would usually need 20 mins at least.
saw lamp posts on the way and felt like plunging my fist into them. dent them as much as i can. but i knew that all would happen was my kunckles will bleed. couldnt stand it when i reached the lift home and punched the wall. the whole lift shook and the sound was resonating in my ears.
i want to shout out loud. like i did at pandan reservior last time. went downstairs for that purpose. then i thought my screams would disturb the people around. darnn. i need a shouting place. sis was at home slping or i would have screamed my head off.

i detest this world more and more.
i wanna leave. call it running away from problems and avoiding.
thats all i want now. i cant take it anymore.
everything is getting suckier.

childish thoughts. throwing tantrums. whatever you call what i am doing now. i dont give a damn. go away. everybody.
i wish i could just scream till all my blood vessels rupture, till my aorta bursts and i die.
or some terrorist come stab me to inflict fear. let me be that terribly "unlucky" one.