its christmas eve and an unfantomnable sadness has came upon me.



there was this happy kid. she loved to play around with people, was curious of things around her. but nobody thought her how to say what she felt. and the people around were all too busy to bother about this kid who was so curious about things that are so common around them. so they placed this noisy thing that obstructed them one side. in a corner.


alone, the happy kid made a friend. a grown up friend. he was really bad. thought her bad things, gave her bad thoughts. and the happy kid was so hurt she decided to let the grown up command her around. at least she would be safe. the grown up wanted things and fought for it himself. the grown up didnt trust people, didnt let people do things, things went the way the grown up wanted. and since it went the way her friend wanted it to be, the kid thought that it was good.




last year, the kid realised, that this wasnt what she wanted. she wanted friends, she wanted company, she wanted love. she went out again. but the grown up didnt really like it. long time friends turned into enemies.
the grown up has been fighting a losing battle since the day before the happy kid took her O level results.
but once in a while, the happy kid feels that old feeling again. of being abandoned, and stumbles whether or not to let the grown up take over her again.


and now the happy kid realises. that what she went through was because she was growing up. that people will let you alone, to do things you should learn to do. now the kid's got a problem.. to grow up or not. but never will she be that domineering grown up. will she be able to take it.
this christmas, she doesnt want to. for grown ups deal with problems themselves. who will listen to the endless rantings and problems a child has. who will be there.





Lord you will be, right?