今天聚会后的午餐。 不是很俄， 因为饿过头了。 然后就随便吃了一点垃圾。 不是很少啦，最近一直在撑。 因为某些原因而需要吃。 然后就闲聊闲聊了。 就觉得最近我真的发现很多事情。就从营会那时开始。 真得很纳闷真得很苦恼真得很挣扎 。


我发现我常常独自一人。然后因此而对华人 （上一代）认为是基本礼仪的一切一窍不通。 怎么如此呢？ 嗨... 我觉得我自然会对我关心而我喜欢长辈会做的事其实不是什么超级亲切的举动， 而乃是华人礼貌上的一种需求。 那， 就也是说， 我对那我不关心，不怎么注意的长辈是十分的无礼的。 那我就是那属世界，没大没小的小毛头了。 哎哎哎。


can i say i havent been thought? no! i remember being taught of it. was it emphasised? definitely not, especially when i gradually grew up and retreated away from the elders more. was it then the fault of those who were responsible to teach me and not mine? i know not. but since now that i know of it, to not do it would be my fault. would it be easy? no one say so, and definitely not. i never bothered about old people. and worst still, i dont really bother about them. unless its like my dear grandparents whom i care for.


i feel so fleshy. though both meanings are true, i refer hear as being so much of the flesh that though i know the right, and know the way. i still struggle and there's an urge to move away from the right path. is that not the workings of the flesh. its such a struggle that i am fleshy and not Godly.
far from Godly, i am not even acceptable in man's standards. what more God's standards. which is high and unreachable by man's effort and only accomplishable though God's grace.


有再看， 我今天吃饭也有根师母聊上。 她就说到关于一些不律法性但是不被鼓励的行为。 然后我就真的真的真的不赞同。 不知道算不算跟她吵了起来。我希望她没有感觉到是如此不然我就跟是那无礼的小毛头了。 嗨..总之我当时真的不同意师母所说的。 然后不可能要我装成我完全同意的那样子啊。我想问问还是比较好...谁只是姆以突然很凶的语气解释，实在是怕人 。有些咄咄逼人的感觉。 哎， 可我真的还有些无法接受那要干扰别人染发的权利。 我自己当然不爱染发。 会致癌会损发。 但我也不赞同要去discourage 别人如此。 我认为是个人选择。 虽说经上有说， 但我觉得有些的偏向极端。
虽然如此， 我觉得我还得小心那魔鬼巧妙的谎言。 这可能是它的一个策略。纳说到有耶稣仰视我当然不如师母。因该是去接受她的意见吧。 但我之前说过了我是超级属肉体的。因此我还在混乱中。 哎， 不知从何夏收安理好我这不知所措的奇怪情绪。乱！ 挣扎！
这到底是怎么一回事啊？！？！