they say time passes quickly when you're having fun. and time crawls when you're in agony.

well, the trip home from church is always so quick..like a blink of an eye, whenever im troubled.
on the contrary, the trip home after a fun day is always so dreadful, and so longg.

this time. i aint sure why im unhappy. im just..unhappy.

its the kind of feeling you want someone there.
yet you want to be alone.
its the kind of feeling you wished someone could be nice enough to acompany you home. or give you a lift.
yet you dont want to be a bother to anyone.
its when you have loads of contradicting ideas about all the little things that have happened just recently, yet you dont know which is right. and dont know how to react to it all.

they say when you go to heaven, all matters and troubles in our earthly lives would seem so funny and miniature. we'd probably laugh when we recollect. and i believe.
but the problem is, thats cos God's there more than anywhere. He is manifested greatly in heaven..in light, in glory, in prescence.
and now, i am on earth. and the problems are real. and not of a past. unlike what it shall be when im in heaven.

and so how can i just let it go. let it settle. think its funny to worry over such things.

its once again my weak faith.

i whine about so much things. i do find them elementary and childish. spiritually and in the eyes of the world too. how i wish i wouldnt be like that. i'd rather be a really young child who knows nothing, thus not worrying. or be a wise old woman, who already knows and understands these matters of consequence.

i dont like being stuck between these two. cos you dont know which to become.. dont know how to settle things well. stumble here, fall there. and all i know is to worry. isnt it.