well, i just ate that pretty pooh bear choc bernard brought back from tokyo disneyland.
i know about the chemical and biological contents of chocolates that makes you feel happier and all. but not all chocolate achieve that effect.
pooh bear chocolates of course do work.
cos pooh bear always smiles at me though i am chewing his ear in my mouth. :)

mango puddings serve the same purpose as pooh bear chocolates for me some time back.
chillled and glistering under the light, i always eat it when im alone. slowly and carefully scooping out every part of it. so that it looks pretty even down to the last bit.

I am just in the midst of piles of revision again.

i feel a need. a need to spur myself on again to go forward and complete the revision schedule. i am so behind time cos of the party. and i hope so much that it was all worth it.
not to mention my bad sleepy habit.

somehow after blocks two i feel that the results are not dependent on covering how much of the syllabus but dependent on the effort made to do so. and God, who searches my heart, and sees all.. grants me what He the desires of my heart.

I was so worried cos there was only a week plus after the church camp ended. and i was turning frantic. even to the days of blocks, I was still discovering massive parts of the syllabus i carelessly left out.

but the Lord says do not worry. and so I will not this time. and I hope I can.
after seeing what He can do. I don't worry that I can't but know that He can.

all these I knew long ago. and experienced only recently. I really want to know what's next in my life, Lord.

三十功名尘与土 八千里路云和月

hmm, i have been so blessed that i realised i haven't been eating much of my staple food - instant noodles.
anyways, someone at home bought a new brand lately and i just ate it like these few days.
It's so nicee. the soup is so sweett. and the noodles are so thin and smooth.
and most importantly, its FAT-LESS!

hee. ppl nowadays just live in luxury.
instant noodles instant porridge instant horfun instant teriyaki chicken meat.

10 years ago i could only eat chicken flavoured soup instant noodles and have the dried ones occasionally as a luxury. but nissin cup noodles were the best around and like the most expensive. too expensive for me to buy that sis and i used to steal coins lying around the house to go out to buy one cup at the mama shop downstairs.

now nissin cup noodles just pale in comparison.

other than the extra fat, and perhaps malnutirtion and premature hair loss.
instant noodles is a delicacy.
thought not quite so if you have it (half of the time more than one per day) almost everyday for the past decade or so. (that's about 3650 packets!)

oh wells, today marks the finalisation of my blocks results.
i did surprisingly well i must say. but all i could feel was.. 'im glad i did satisfactory.' though it was not merely satisfactory in some subjects.

perhaps my expectations of myself has gone down
after entering this choice school for which i struggled and strived and sacrificed for, but found out that it was far from my dream.
somehow fantasy is always better.

failure after failure,
disappointment after disappointment.
and after choosing painfully to give up the things and ideals i used to hold on to..
the results suddenly do not matter to me anymore.

im just glad. but this cannot give me the satisfaction i once strived for in the O levels.
which after all gave me but a day of joy yet took away one and a half years of hard labour.

far too tiring. far too pointless.

i can't bear the thought of flunking my As.
but i know that even if i had 4As. there will only be relief, and no satisfaction.

somehow i feel that 4As is expected of a 6 pointer. and its a disappointment not having any S papers already

i'll just do my best and hope for the best.
but somehow, anything will do.
i'll may not be super elated with 4As.
neither will i be mourning over the lack of it.

it'll all pass in a week or so after getting my A level results anyway. i just hope that i will get into the course You want me to be in. that's all.

是看透了 还是不再抱有希望了？

december
- mass packing of dreaded a level notes to an inconspicuous corner of my room
- rearrange my room furniture + spring cleaning!
- hunt for bike
- hunt for computer speakers and extra hard disk and a graphics card
- look for a kind soul who can drive my accumulated soft toys to the nearest salvation army booth
- hunt for guitar
- humms, anyone wants to go for xmas shopping with me? :)

january
- mum has promised me a korea trip once upon a time, i hope she keeps to her promise!
- hunt for part time job
- hunt for two innocent little tuitees that i can probably smoke :p and have pleasant parents
- take up a photography course!

its just 132 days away. its not that hard to imagine.

i hate it when plans go wrong.
what's the point of planning then.

maybe i should just do what gf is doing. just take it in my stride and not plan.

maybe its supposed to be so.

it was a wrong decision a year ago. and maybe this is the consequence.
and i believed in taking responsibility for your actions.

so what will i do this time?

wow, i actually thought of something beautiful while doing the oh-so-eeky photoelectric effect tutorial just now.
well, im quite impressed that i could do the tutorial.
that aside, the last question was about fireflies. and i suddenly remembered gazing at fireflies in secondary four. at some part of malaysia..
i was on a geog field trip for march holidays with rachel, yanling, cindy, chong, xinming and loads of others.
i remember being on the same boat as yanling.. and then and then the uncle was really nice. he could only speak melayu while yl could only say saya tatau or something. haha.

we were on a boat, in the moonlight, with glowing mangrove bushes all around us. it was really quiet cos everyone was amazed at the sight + we were told not to scare the fireflies. no photography too. but anw, they couldnt really be caught on film. had to see it yourself kinda beauty.

breath taking sight, really really very very zhuang4 guan1.
rather nice ambience and sweet if that special someone had been around. (:

ahh, i wanna go visit that place again man. it was so so awesome.

and the uncle actually rowed INTO one mangrove tree at the bank and caugh a little firefly for us to hold while he rowed us further along the meanders of the quiet river. we were all in awe of that little creature (:

the fireflies in one bush actually can synchronise with each other to flash together at the same time. kindda like christmas lighting. just environmentally friendly. one of the few places to catch a glimpse of these fireflies nowadays. beauty at its best - nature.

1. Do the following WITHOUT complains
2. Choose 5 people to do this after you completed yours
3. Leave a tag on the person's tagboard to say he/she have been tagged
4. Start your post with "I have been tagged!" then do this.

I HAVE BEEN TAGGED BY: brenda seem
Favourites
favourite colour: silver
favourite food: i dont know. i only know what i hate. im fine with the others
favourite song: at the moment, Above all by Paul Baloche
favourite day of the week: sunday
favourite season: i kinda like early autumn

Currents
current mood: sian 0.5
current taste: i only taste phelgm
current clothes: fbt and tshirt
current desktop: random
current toenail: the sixth one on my middle foot?
current time: 9.22pm
current surroundings: my room, with notes strewn on the floor and tissue dotting the rest
current annoyances: cough, phelgm, chest pain, muscle aches, headaches, lost of appetite..hunger, nausea
current thoughts: should i take an MC for tmr's block test?

First
first best friends: elaine and another hongkong girl. i forgot her name already. oh mann. haha. i was like 5 years old
first crush: dkbk (haha to brenda..)
first movie: i dont remember.. i think it should be sound of music or land before time/ care bears
first lie: not even the least impression
first music: abcdefghihklmnopqrustuvwxyz now i know my abc next tiem wont you sing with me
Last
last cigarette: i cant rmember, tried it once last time. horrible
last drink: vodka? like in ages ago during chalet with 4B peeps
last crush: hmm. that was like sec three?? haha. ancient!
last movie: superman returns preview! 2.5h long!!
last phone call: to mummyee

Have you ever
have you ever dated your best friend: its a secret. :p
have you ever broken the law: littering, jaywalking, underage drinking (with parents consent) see im a good kid after all hahah.
have you ever been arrested: no.
have you ever skinny-dipped: no
have you ever been on tv: i think so . dont remember.

5 things you are wearing: fbt shirt hairband thats all lehh. not enough to make five
4 things you done today: cough, blew my nose, eat a bit of yucky porridge (yucky cos i have no appetite), played my guitar
3 things you can hear right now: Above all (its on repeat mode) + my typing sound + fan blowing
1 thing you do when you are bored: play my guitar

5 people to tag? nah, this is lame

曾经不愿成长，曾经讨厌长大。
如今恨务那被周围人当作小孩的感觉。

我不大，不厉害。 没什么了不起。 但是也不是什么无知可爱的小毛头。
别看着我，笑嘻嘻地对我说：“哦？ 还看不出你快18叻！” 然后摸摸我的头，好像要我同样地， 可爱嘻嘻地对你笑。

我对你们都不熟。我不大认识你。 不要怎么跟我勾肩搭背地.. 我不习惯。更不喜欢。

我不愿看起来是个无礼的人，不友善的人。 因为我不是。
但我也不是一个你想亲近就亲近的人。
我的世界只许一些人进入。
没有许可情勿乱闯。
若因擅闯禁地而受伤，没有赔偿没有道歉。