one thing i dont want from you: luxurious items

only thing i get from you: luxurious items you want to give me

we all have our own thinking. do you know why i like to be with dad? cos we share about our different perspective and accept each other for who we are. regardless of age and generation. that's a true relationship, one that understands and accepts.

you know why i always contradict what you say about me in front of people?
because you always fight to answer questions for me, that you yourself know not the answer.
i know you think that is embarrassing. but sorry, the doctor/ whoever was actually asking me. and i know the right answer, which was important for the doctor to know.

you said i only started complaining these few days.
do you know that it has hurt for years?! not one year plus like i claim.
but it has been at least six years.. do you not know that this daughter of yours can't articulate her feelings well.
and when she says a statement, she really means it?
i said it before and i do remember it. i know you dont. if i told you the truth, that i have told you ages ago, would you believe me?

even meiyi and xiangge knows about it and cared for me way before you did.
and you say you care for me more than daddy?
daddy loves me, he doesnt give me money. he gives me his time and energy.

you say you give me moeny, more than daddy does.. but did you ever ask what i wanted?
i dont want your money. i am not sis. i dont like to indulge in material luxury all the time.
i just want people to care for me.
daddy did.
you did.
but daddy did more than you.
i know daddy more than i know you.
daddy knows me more than you know me.
somethings dad cant help and only you can. but you didnt help me. where are you when i needed you most
??
where were you? things are okay now, they are getting better.
now you want to steal the credit from daddy??

i struggle so much so much to forgive you of what you didnt know you have done.
but please, please dont put down my daddy.
daddy loves me.

i dont tell you things. because we dont have a relationship.

when i do tell you things, about how i think about issues that we have in common, like things at home.
i'm always seen as an argumentative person.
why?
cos when i try to let you see my point, i share it with my heart. and i believe in what i think.
not that i am right, but you are not always right too.
we all have our shortcomings, and biased perspectives.
but why can't you accept me and stop dismissing my ideas as that of an ignorant kid who only knows how to study.

you are just like those ppl who treat me as an stupid kid.
i look kiddish, i may present my ideas in a childish fashion to you (though i dont think so at all)
but when will you take off ur prejudice and see who i have grown to become?
i am eighteen.
i have a mind of my own before i even turned eight.
its been more than ten years, i thought it would be enough for you to realise.

why i didnt want you to throw it away?
cos that was how someone cared for me, in an area even my ex-boyfriend didnt bother.
i live in jurong and they came all the way from katong to jurong to give me a mattress to sleep on.
they work, but came late at night.
they were busy with preparing their marriage, but they didnt mind the time to come down for me.
not like they were going to send other items to other ppl in the vicinity.

and i told them abt my back less than i told you.
i told xiang ge once just once. i only said a statement, and didnt expect much attention.
like it had always been when i told you.
but xiang ge immediately reacted. she was the only one who bothered at that time.
i told you umpteen times, u never bothered.
many times you walked away before i finished my sentence.
did you even know?
i always dont know why i must forgive you. i struggle EVERYTIME i talk to you.

Lord, help me please.