真不喜欢如此垂头丧气的
我知道周围的人都很忙。。教会的人忙着属灵周末, 同窗的都忙着温书。
我呢?
就懂得浪费时间自怜。
但我真的受不了了。 受不了常日见不到人影, 就独自困在房间里头, 对着书本猛啃。
现在就算是去属灵周末营也不是问题。
现在是我真的厌恶一切, 啥事都变得枯燥乏味。
我讨厌如此的样子。
难道我周围同窗真的不能依靠嘛
我不愿如此想。
为什么会有人能出去和朋友们一起温书。 而我就是那孤僻的我。
常常 爱独自一人的生活。 原来是因为日常生活中常接触到人。
如今放假的时候, 孤独的影子又再次出现, 笼罩着我的生命。
这是什么嘛。
今天没什么温书, 怎样都提不起劲儿。
我像是能胜任医学系要求的人吗??
我可能不该痴心妄想了。
how to you separate illusion from faith.
all this while i wanted to go for the camp because it honours God.
and i have to admit that i wanted to honour You so that I will do well in my prelims just as i have honoured You and You have worked miracles in my block tests II.
but i've got it all wrong. all wrong.
its going there to want to break all that bondages and put down my past baggages that honours You.
so i haven't honoured You.
so im dead for prelims.
but if i really wanna honour You now, i wouldn't think about my prelims.
i have a wretche heart far away from You.
I know many things. i know YOu can do all things. I know. yet i dont know personally.
don't let this be the limit of my faith.
what am I.
my heart rots and smells worse than any carcass on this earth.
yet you see it and love me?!
my heart desires to be a doctor.
maybe i desire it far too much..
how do you break from a paper chase?
when you have enjoyed the chase as long as you have lived, and triumphed every obstacle by your strength
how do you learn how to rely on Him when you haven't done so in 16 years.
how do go through all the stages of a competition by your own strength and then at the final level learn to let go yet believe you can get the champion prize??
how?
by grace.
grace is undesereved favour.
its free.
its unlimited.
i dont have the faith to believe that i have that in my hands.
who is listening?
only You..
my ear is dull and my heart hardened.
i cant hear neither can i feel you
restore me my Lord.