watched finals today. a rare Sunday when church services are late in the evening.
这是我表达但不表露的途径
thanks to moon cake festival.
不知不觉就是倒数我20岁生日的最后7天
and watching watching i heard i a grossly familiar voice!
怎么....那么快
it's a little green evil pixie from the far ends of the island.
今年没什么特别感觉 － 就是觉得老了
the kind that Wants Everything Now, and insists that you Hurry Up.
只想做我一直向往的事
things went preferably well today
我想与一群亲密的朋友，在阳光中潇洒地度过
work work work.
这个是个奢望，是我好姐妹所说“不可能的”事
when did my Sundays become like that, only
为什么。因为我在这世界上，找不到
yes this is a special Sunday,
找不到 － 爱主 又 那么爱我的人。
but no, my Sundays have been steered toward a certain attitude.
找不到愿意如此的人。
that i enjoy 4th services nowadays.
(the feeling of being at service, for the WORD, not to serve)
更在爱好相同的人群中，找不到投机，又爱主的朋友
still black face. whatever.
也许就是我的这堵墙 － 注定我一辈子的孤独。
it's good getting it out of my chest though.
我不甘心 － 一定有的，总有一天我会找着
at least i told wen briefly about it.
希望我终生伴侣就是如此。hng
and i could hear myself say things i really think

for out of the abundance of the heart the mouth speaks

although it wasn't anything positive
爱。在哪里。
i am not a super spiritual person.
我失去了
I AM NOT.
我害怕，再也找不着了
and i DONT want to be.
我心中的爱，离开了我吗？
i want to find 志同道合 friends like everybody

people MY age group okay..

enough said.

my resolve for God will NOT change.
I repeat - WILL NOT change.

yes I love sun sand sea

yes I love paddling in the sun

yes I would love to stay for competition all Sunday and enjoy.

yes I wanted to even be a kayak coach

no it is NOT WORTH IT to give it up for the one thing that satisfies my soul

even when I'm down and out.

the one person that does not only is some vague form of emotional support.

he also provides the BEST way out!

i believe that at the lowest point in my life, when i am stuck with real issues

when i have the deepest sorrow that seems to be tearing my heart apart.

when i cry my lungs out, my eyeballs out..

canoeing is not going to anything to help

and it cant.

only my Jesus can.

I am my Beloved's, and His desire is towards me.

i told myself: i am meant for bigger things
then i heard a voice reply: if you can't handle these little ones, how do u move on to the bigger things?

Labels: canoe polo, ministry, 我的良人, 承诺