well, first and foremost
loudness does create an atmosphere
and indeed we should be doing it with all our strength, might, and soul

2ndly,
we also do not exceed a decibel unit that causes long-term damage to the ear-drums
a generation of prematurely hard of hearing adults is definitely the way the society is headed.
loud MP3 headphones on the train, rock band concerts, blasting music and indulging in it.
there's no limit to the youth nowadays.
but God forbid that the church needs to contribute to such damage to the youth

seriously.

my eardrums hurt at every beat
the ground under my feet tremble to the rhythm.

I hide in my sanctuary behind the glass doors,
to enjoy a reasonable volume level with fantastic spirit, energy and worship.
I must say, the worship element was really truly real.
unlike some bands that goes on about I don't know what... merely a facade masking self

I desire, heart felt worship
And I believe it was there today

I ponder, why should I pump my fist.
Until I did understand the vague meaning behind it.
I couldn't truly pump my fist without knowing for what
neither could I truly draw a intimately strong link.

I desire, radical practical changes.
And I believe I need that in my life right now, this very moment.

I ponder, if anyone was there like me and not for the hype and energy.
because It's terrible to go home feeling empty inside.

I desire, for more of God
less of hype
more of worship
less of volume

I ponder, is it the physical volume that should be turned up or the volume of your life back in school/ home. physical volume should have it limits but spiritual volume should know no boundaries.

and perhaps I am through all this rough patch and stuff.
There's rarely praises sung in my solitude.
only worship
Lamentations would most probably be the word

there must be something wrong with me
for I am filled only with sorrow
a vessel of bitterness of despair
falling short of the grace of God
I find nothing in me to cheer and jump and praise.

I ponder if it would be better to blame it on old age

but I must say, I have out grown this age group.
I seek for new pastures new people who are RELEVANT
who are living with the problems I face, and have conquered.
where are they?
why am I the one to guide.
as the blind leads the blind, all will fall into the pit.

I am twenty one.
I don't need to be stuck with kids.
I can be with them
I don't mind helping out

But I really do need something else
satisfying me
some others, just like me.

Labels: :(, ministry