Well, there goes half, exactly half of my holidays.
It's a quarter for everybody but not for me.

Results are out and I really am disappointed.
I guess no matter how bad, I always hate myself for any deprovement.

Have been home almost everyday, only leaving the house to church/ neighbourhood and not going out at all. This has been my life since the reading week. People may think I'm weird. and I didn't even go for class outing today.

I have been praying, perhaps to make up for the time I lost this academic year, for the past almost a month. and truly, time spent with God puts yourself in the right perspective, and some how the struggles you go through...they seem lessened.
I guess being refilled by the Holy Spirit really does give one strength. :)

I have learnt so much in knowledge and been complaining that my head is full of truth but my heart is void of love. I realise now that knowing must be coupled with spending time with God for the heart to be transformed into acceptance.

I have never read Dr. Bailey's book for less than 6 months before I finished it. But I just completed one in the past week. I am amazed too! Plus two other books - 几迷's 失乐园series.
以前，没有那个闲情逸致，停下脚步来思考，来阅读。这几个礼拜却拿起了搁放许久的书籍，重新审查了自己。

叉叉熊好厉害！
叉叉熊从小就被虐待，如果你问他，哪里最痛，他会轻轻地摸着他的心。
我想，前一段日子，我的心就是如此。
但是叉叉熊坚持 － 最痛的地方，要用最美丽的方式包扎。

我想，最使我痛苦的人，我也要以最美丽的方式处理。
虽然称不上好朋友了，但也要为我们曾经友好的关系，画上美丽的据点。
遗憾，抛开....给未来一个盼望、一个发展的余地。

The Dr. Bailey's book - on the Kings of Judah. Well, it just elaborates greatly on the verse "耶和华的意念是赐平安的意念，不是降灾祸的意念。 ”
Many times when a King turns away from the Lord, he goes through wars and diseases and what man sees to be retribution from God.
But truly, God desires the difficult cirucmstance to turn the King's focus back onto Him. That in dire circumstance, without one's strength we look back to Him. But many fail to do so and seek not the Lord.
I guess, no I believe, this is the case for my studies.

I told my friend I came to terms with my rebellion because I coudln't come to terms with obedience. I knew what I was to do. and I even DID what I knew was right, but it was so difficult and so sorrowful I never wanted to do it again.
and to another friend, I said "I just want to canoe polo my life away" because I felt so terrible at the conflict my divied loyalty brought me into. and seemingly cp was that which gave joy.

Truly, truly, it's not the case.
I cannot forget what God told me when I told Him "I think I found what Passion is" (referring to cp) and when God speaks there is nothing you can argue with. ppl might find me an argumentative person, always having a point to make... but with God you just go quiet. I mean,you know inside out, that that's the truth. Totally.

I guess He gave me a really good reason to save me out of my own mess. for me to stop all my nonsense. Afterall, I am first a student then a player. Better to be a fool in the eyes of the world than wise in my own.
The only quesiton now is when.

Gonna spend more time with God to find out.

I've got a world waiting for me.
But its that what I want to go into and become?

Labels: canoe polo, vacation, 我的良人