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17 August 2009
probably picking myself up again.
probably still wanting to relieve myself of many things i don't think i am up to. like changwu team leader. *rolls eyes*

glad that this semester is relatively simpler.
because I have only one tuition, and a lot less money.
but also more time and less responsibilites.

i was happy to have cancelled more than half of the list of "roles & responsibilites" that i wrote out last semester. which was the reason for my meltdown.
not gonna embark on another adventure for some time.

not gonna put on another hat.
not gonna be someone else.

i have at least 3 roles/responsibilities that i am irresponsibly neglecting now though.
and i am not gonna say "whatever"
but i am not gonna say "i am on it" either.

being neutral, i guess, is an improvement from being negative.

oh wells, just went to secondary school gathering-like birthday party.
was nice to see everyone and talk about random things again.
its just funny that my bestest buds in sec4 aren't the frequent-est sec4 classmates i meet up with.
and i saw jerry after ages. and of course the other random guys.

now everyone is flying already.
the boys that is.
Cambridge and London. they speak of a foreign land like we talk about our neighbourhood.
one day, perhaps. i want to go overseas to get my PharmD also.
but I'm not that fantastic a student, not that rich a girl.

I'm pretty glad I am now rather excluded from that Y word.
and am glad that I have been excluded at some special luncheon.
was pretty reluctant to eat with the peeps except cos of my mother & mehmeh. was so tempted to leave with aunty ruby when i saw her walk by.
after all, the most i hear from mum lately has been "goodbye". haven't spent any quality time except hearing her stories of her and her boyfriend. oh wells. i guess all girlfriends are so. how different is she from others? or she's so busy she's looking at my face at one second, and the next, before I respond... she's off somewhere else. nothing i do matters. or she thinks i'm just unimportant enough to pay attention to.

i miss having no agenda and hanging out.
wen and mum seems to be machines running on automated mode. forever far and away.
or they have to make so much effort just to be nice. not natural anymore.
i totally hate it.

and though i am glad ma is here for my special day.
she totally forgot what i had told her months ago. about how i wanted to celebrate it.

i am very ugh-ed.
inked 00:49 hours

being the way i was
made to be
*-210906-*
da tou gui from xiao.ying