you know, there's no point murmuring how church is boggling you down with everything and having no social life in your heart.
because instead, you could be bogged down by loads of social activity with no productivity at all.

oh well, i just came back from 21st birthday party. a surprise party. and I am not as good buddies with the birthday girl than her clique in secondary school... yet i find myself going there.
don't have me mistaken... i had fun. i enjoyed myself.
just that i have a unfinished revision for tmr's CA.

don't have me mistaken. I am not talking about anyone else but myself.

I guess in the end, God really does gives us the desires of our hearts.
and perhaps its just a stage where I go through and have to show myself that social life is not the most that I want out of life and there is something I would be willing to give up these less-than-eternal relationships for.
but without trying, I don't think I will take it lying down. I never took for granted or accepted any physics or mathematical formulas presented to me in school.
sometimes I have the determination to derive them out.
sometimes I only have the curiousity and patience to try figuring them out.

and perhaps after this large roundabout walk in the wilderness, I will conclude that what I was told initially was all right.
but i still want to find it out for myself. because only then i believe i can have all that conviction and preach and share it will all that is within me. perhaps. perhaps.
but i certainly not wish that all these would take too long. it's been taking almost one year already. but surely i want to recuperate the right way and clear all the backlogs.

only then can i walk in a less handicapped way

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