i need to diet. seriously.
im glad i didnt eat lunch.

the familiar feeling of being XXXX XXX.
oh wells. ang baos ang baos hurry up come. come many many.. bring your friends.
then quite worth it.
hAha.

SIANS.
why is life so unfulfilling nowadays.

why can't i catch my mummy when she's free these days.
why can't i settle my own problems myself.
why did i have to walk down to the canoe polo booth.
why do i have to go through the choice of giving up my dreams and aspirations.
why do i ask when i know the obvious answer.
maybe i just need a listening ear.

chinese new year is good time to catch up with homework and things to do. and many more.
chinese new year is the time to shop for things, and feel consoled that your ang bao money covers it. like today.

bought a shirt that says 'Here Now, and HAPPY!'
if my heart could say that..
and if my heart and my mind was connected.
if the heart's feelings may be overwritten by the brain's conscious pulsations.
maybe i won't feel so 茫然失措 now.
i'd probably have succeeded telling myself what is the logical and rational thing to do that is good for the Kingdom of God.
i think i lost my flare of self deception.
for good reasons.
and for difficult experiences ahead.

i just want to canoe polo.
do i?
tues thurs sundays.

how fulfilling will that be to my life?
will it be emptiness in the end?

it's never worth it to trade the eternal for the temporary.
Man was made for eternity, but how much time do we spend in investing in that instead of our earthly lives?
guilty, as charged.

but you mean i can canoe polo only when i go to heaven?
very long leh.
sometimes i wish i die now so i can do everything i want.
like be slim, eat, play.. no need study. anymore. dont need be tired.. cos heaven got no tiredness. i wont even sleep late or cant wake up cos im no longer tired. dont need to sleep.

yah, but if i die now, i miss the mark that God wants me to hit in life.
and I'm so crappy now I dont think I will make it to heaven. neither do I want to just make it and stay in some ulu corner in heaven like super far away from the City area - where God is.

so not worth it??
so what's worth it?
what is the threshold that mind can prevail over heart.
what is the threshold that mind can prevail over body?
IS THERE a threshold?

God, tell me where I am.
Sinai, wilderness, Hebron, Jordan, Jericho?
where.
do what.
what next.
so how.
can or not.





help.

Labels: S.T.R.E.S.S., sillythings, updates