突然想到，小颖说她写什么cryptic entries that nobody bothers to read. I think 我写中文，已经够cryptic 了。没有人会读这么多的中文，包括我自己再内。
Anyway, let's get to the topic... i was rather fascinated that i got to see the curated samples being coloured. And even though every single sample was evidently very well prepared (in comparison to the pathology and anatomy lab in NUS!) Those that were not coloured literally paled in comparison to the colourful red muscles displayed. I stared and circled the Basketball Man many times, amazed at how the entire cadaver was able to keep its basketball-dribbling posture with no supporting structures. It was only standing on one feet, and through the specimen, at the other side, it was interesting to see a medical student walking round with the same expression I had when I saw it. "how is it standing" i guessed she was asking... because everybody walks slowly around the specimens to observe it, but at that moment, both of us did walk in a relatively higher speed around the specimen, only to find no strings, no supporting structures and just one feet stuck to the ground. a very strong glue indeed?
Anyway, most of the specimens are guys. And I finally found out what inguinal hernia is like. It's quite disturbing.... to think I named my Pet society pet after it! Some, I think only 3 cadaevers I saw were female. And I must say the ladies were treated with pretty much respect & dignity. They were more than naked... were skinless, and yet, the exhibitors thought of such elegant names and postures for them. Like one of them was holding up two miniature bird cadaevers in each of her palms and lifting them up into the sky.... the exhibit was named something about 凤凰，phoenix or something. But it was really nice. And the birds, along with the abodominal blood supply of the lady... were treated with this blood vessels corrossion technique or something. The blood supplies of the cadaever was impregnated with red pigmented plastic polymers, allowed to settle and then the entire tissue around them corroded to show only the blood vessels! So the "凤凰s" and the lady's abdomen were a starking bright red, whilst the rest of the lady was disected to show other stuff... i can't remember.
Oh, I felt that patho lab was such a spoiler! I saw a heart, so big, i immediately knew it was cardiac hypertrophy... and the carcinomas and the entire section on smoking and tar in the lungs.. that I just walked through without reading the small prints on the signs. I guess I don't have the youthful enthusiasm about learning as much as I did just before I entered University. Some say that school ruins education. and I do think University did just that for me... the system and everything makes learning absolutely unfriendly for me.
I was really fascinated by the plasticised cadaevers of other animals though! There was a reindeer, a giraffe!!!, a giant squid and an octopus!! oh and a horse too! Cool stuff.. the giraffe was really really tall. And it was a guy giraffe so it's reproductive organ just reminded me of that book Mrs Goh read to us in HC 4 years ago - "How Animals Do It" LOL. Ya, the reproductive organ of the male giraffe is very long indeed. I actually remember my bio lessons... and not what the lecturer said yesterday.... hmm.
I guess I shan't let university drain me of my eager learning attitude. It's coming to an end... and I feel so drained. I must find back myself... the childish me inside curious about everything. (: I like to be so... because one of the themes of the exhibit was about ageing, gracefully... and about continuous learning and stuff. keeping our mind young. I shall find back myself...
My first half of this year is rather dedicated to much soul searching, after my self-destructive melacholy and depressing betrayals that has so broken me down in the past few years. And about breaking the cycle of the grown up study getajob getmarried getold and die routine in Singapore... I have a fantastic business idea that just needs capital! If somebody gives me the money to, probably I can start something totally new in Singapore, a family-oriented F&B service for people of my generation, my time and age, who are too busy & have to eat out... but want to DIY their food and eat healthy... haha. IF i have the moeny... i can postpone my boring pharmacist career for a year or two to get this business going hahah. OH WELLS!
with no curves of any kind, New Alphabet is an uncompromising Dutch font designed in 1967. based on early computer screens it is strictly limited to horizontal and vertical strokes. It exceptionally striking while being almost totally illegible If you are a statement maker and when that statement makes perfect sense to you, it is immaterial if it makes no sense to anyone else.
gladly unbending. gladly dinosauric. rational.assertive.progressive.discipline. from ying's blog
wow. maybe this comes with age. but i really already am missing my home and room and stuff. perhaps as we grow older. we get more comfortable with the discomforts of this world. being more blinded and even enjoying these imperfections.
long gone are the hopes and adventures and dreams. and perhaps greater the craving for stability.
离开起点，却又回到原始. is there any irony greater than this.
somehow the people i miss are less. but knowing that i miss them much more. but some how to be always with these people i can't always be me. :(
Hope something wakes up my idea. i don't even know what exactly is wrong with me in this year. 只有心中隐隐作痛的伤口，溃烂的伤疤，还有永远于事无补的胶布。
oh well, another lazy day. a totally lazy weekend with the cold temperatures and faulty street lamps. i just went out to get my grumbling stomach some hot soup in this cold weather, and it felt like i was in China somehow, with the sounds of cars zooming past in the dark winding street, the lamps were out.
i returned home, all alone, watching UP on my mac. i imagined, if there would be someone with me through this all... walking down the empty streets in the tranquility and watching an animation on adventure, against a background of death and aging. i wish, then, that we would die together. and save each other any sorrow of solitude.
packing my room again tomorrow. i wonder why i never could finish. probably because i never could bear to throw some thing away. and probably because of the same reason, i'd never be able to straighten out all the thoughts that has been going on in me these past two years of ^&$#^%#@*-ness.
in the middle of the night. still having only gone through half of the pathology test topics that is tested tomorrow. i still haven't done my term essay due tomorrow. haven't done my bibliography. haven't done loads of stuff.
but oh well. here's the time to blog. about things unrelated to those above. haha.
i don't know why but lately I have been once again confused about my previous stance on this never-ending issue. for the past weeks i have softened my stance, and yet i have managed to question myself today again.... why did i change my opinion. i guess sometimes the peace of God just brings you step by step and you follow through it slowly. gingerly. terrified and excited, butterflies in your stomach all at the same time. then i ask myself. if it doesn't lead to the end that is to be, then why start in the first place.
anyways, probably. it's not so impossible between us after all. anyways, probably. i'd ditch this idea in due time.
I just swinged down to NUS to grab my new netbook today. am I too greedy? now I have 3 computer screens staring at me in the space of my little room.
I have desktop PC. which is like 5 years old, self-assembled... I have a Macbook. which is like 2 years old... and now a Toshiba Netbook NB200.
I went home I realised I haven't been myself. I usually check out the model and just go online to check out reviews.. to ask around how the laptop is.. but I didn't and when I did realise it. I quickly went online to check. OK, it's generally good. but just that it sucks at typing. which I immediately did realised when I saw it... pity the Fujitsu has funny software that is not Microsoft Office. If not I would buy the fujitsu one for the keyboard is easier to type with. and which is the primary thing I think I would be using my netbook for. I surely can't play typing maniac with my netbook until I develop a bond with it. I hope my Macbook skills will not deterioate after that.
It's been eons since I went thorugh all that install drivers and rubbish start up, restart, wait for booting and things like that on a PC. I only remember the WOW factor that I could open up my Macbook and start using it and playing with the functions in 2007. now my stupid netbook is silly and starting up itself. in its own world, and refuses to talk to me. talk about an anti-social computer! after I was glad it responded.. it went on the intsall norton antivirus and stuff again. yawns yawns.
went to ION orchard. and found the rumoured "cheaper stalls" area. but didn't buy anything except for pretzels and nutritea barley cos everythign was so ex. not to mention that the crumpler shop had such a small range of bags.. and that the ear piercing shop at wisma was ridiculously priced. I thought I could really go and peirce my ears today already. since talking about it since last year! what's with the real diamonds on the studds. do I need them? my rich husband will get me bigger ones in future. Rah.
my netbook just restarted AGAIN. for the like 1080953088r098th time!! anyways, its pink.. and yes.. I am a girl :)
because delivery costs $50 at ikea its worth it to have to open up all the car doors of my dad's taxi, take up 2 parking lots of space, spend 30minutes manouvering the 200cm++ long wardrobe into the taxi, and get scolded my angmohs who wanted our parking space, then drive off at 60km/h all the way home to prevent the glass door from cracking due to excessive vibrations
because the assembly price cost is ridiculous, and pretending to be a carpenter like Jesus was is enjoyable, its worth it to spend 3hours assembling just the exterior frame only.
by the way, the angmoh was supposed by GARMENT to be from a GRACIOUS society. and he horned damn loud. i said sorry we obviously are unable to close our car door... and so we can't give way yet. the he sped up deliberately and screeched to a halt right in front of my dad's cab so that we would be unable to move out when we are done. so my dad and i were panting and aching and trying our best to get out of the way ASAP. and there were a million and one other parking lots available at IKEA, on MONDAY NIGHT for goodness sake. but he insisted.
anyhows, my dad is a really good driver, he used to drive brand new cars shipped from overseas, from cargo ships.. and the cars were all spaced by centimeters apart. and he never crashed anyone of them. so obviously we had no problem manouvering around the stupid angmoh's vehicle and went off happily.
so much for gracisou society! its the locals not the angmohs that donate when i did flag day in secondary school anyway. i was so taken aback cos i thought they were the most courteous ppl on earth. thanks to PAP. they just like to make singaporeans look worse than we actually are.. on the relative global scale.
contrary to popular belief, i actually do watch dramas... because my enthusiasm for documentaries has been quenched by the never-ending stream of low quality films on Nat Geo and Animal Planet.
I just finished my HK drama, and probably would start on another jap drama. and I would say that these two countries produce excellent shows :) at least they are fast paced and sensible enough rather than low grade "idol"-craze in Taiwan & lame dialogues in Korean ones.
heh, the point is that I love the ending to Forensic Heroes 2 :)
that aside, I suddenly have the urge to leave my hair long.. after 9 years of not doing so. I used to love my long hair, and mourned its demise after I entered RV. Maybe some others would argue that I had my hair long in 2005. But that was a laziness in trimming my hair after O levels locked me up in my room with Chow Ban Hoe's crazily-out-of-syllabus teachings.
Perhaps, if I don't give up when the weather is too hot, that I may have my long hair back again. hee hee. It's time for a change. Maybe I can ask evil green pixie to go pierce my ears with me when she comes visit next week.
oh, and maybe this is just another nonsensical illogical bout of craziness the female subspecies of mankind experiences from time to time.
I know my mummy is wonder woman. I once thought it would be great if I could be too.
I can’t stand to fly I’m not that naive I’m just out to find The better part of me
I’m more than a bird...i’m more than a plane More than some pretty face beside a train It’s not easy to be me
Wish that I could cry Fall upon my knees Find a way to lie About a home I’ll never see
It may sound absurd...but don’t be naive Even heroes have the right to bleed I may be disturbed...but won’t you concede Even heroes have the right to dream It’s not easy to be me
I can’t stand to fly I’m not that naive Men weren’t meant to ride With clouds between their knees
I’m only a man in a silly red sheet Digging for kryptonite on this one way street Only a man in a funny red sheet Looking for special things inside of me Inside of me
I’m only a man In a funny red sheet I’m only a man Looking for a dream
I once pondered on being an average Sunday Christian. not serving so much and spending so much time. but I thrashed that idea because that'd be just contradicting my principle of "want to do, then do your best". I wonder why people want to be Sunday Christians in the first place. I won't choose such meaningless existence.
Today was a rainy rainy day from the moment I woke up. Such is the atmosphere where all things turn surreal, everybody's around you going about their own businesses. and also a time when you are amidst everybody but in your own umbrella world. even as I hurried into the shelter and out of my umbrella. it continued to linger around me
I saw afar, the newly renovated coffee shop of old. amongst those that newly sprang up to the left and to the right.. I decided. to see if i could spot any reminiscent of the past - my past I walked through every store, supposedly to find a satisfaction for my growling stomach but looking instead for familiar faces and signboards.
I found one - the kueh tu tu man with his ancient tools. his bulky metal box with secret little compartments that never fails to amaze the customers as they wait without complaint. Low technology, delicious but time consuming to make delicacies. simple happiness has been resounding in my life for some time now and even more so when I finally got my kosong kueh tu tu-s:)
I can still remember making a fuss and wanting Daddy to carry me so I could see Uncle Kueh Tu Tu do his rhythmic stunts while preparing the kueh tu tu-s. white round pleasures of flour. and to my surprise, 21 years later. The prices are still the same - 3 for $1, coconut or peanut :) But being a weird kid I was/am.. I always wanted only flour. I'm glad that over the years, more people have joined the camp of "oleh! kosong kueh tu tu!"
I still sat down, with my disgruntled tummy, at the old meepok store. new tables, new helpers, and a new sign saying "Self-Service" the boss was Daddy's friend and we used to get free flow of soup with extra ingredients in our mee. because of health reasons he merely leased the store to others. leaving behind only the familiary utensils and tools
I sat down and ate my yummy mee. I looked up and saw children coming back from child care. I listened, and heard them speak as I used to.
Just a stone throw away, was my childcare. Proudly, St. Andrew's Cathedral Childcare Center. where they served egg mayonise sandwiches on Tuesdays and Oats on Thursdays. Where I made my first best-friends and imagined being on The Power Rangers' space crafts after our meals and was busy fighting aliens whilst pressing imaginary buttons.
The heart of my neighbourhood. has been thorugh 3 major renovations over the last 2 decades. and every new beginning just dilutes the flavour furthere, uproots the hearts of many and live us lingering and finding less to hold on to. I honesty was quite fearful that Uncle Kueh Tu Tu wouldn't be around anymore. That I won't have yummy chee cheong fun to eat in the mornings. for one, my favourite chicken rice and char siew rice store has been gone. Nothing anywhere ever tastes the same, despite trying to find one.
I see, that even though ambition and the lure of a glamorous life may seem to be all so fulfilling. Maybe I'm not one suited for it. After all the crazines and fun outside. I need a place called home. a place of security. for that should be the core of everyone. and what fills it should only simple and good.
I believe that life should be filled.. primarily with simple happiness :)
nowadays, you see couples being so intimate on the buses and trains. i wonder, why divorce and break up rates are on a all time high, if they truly are so loving and expressive compared to the last generation of older folks?
i guess sometimes, the girl's a trophy to the guy, and less commonly, vice versa. and unrealistic expectations strain the unrealistic incompatible relationship and they still fail to work out in the end.
or maybe because I is more important than U in such relationships so it will never work out.
what's all the kissing and hugging and touching when it's all gonna last for a few months and you change another to do the same thing, get into the same problem and break up again. SILLY.
I think a guy who is serious about you, won't mind just holding your hand till the day you two get married and kiss you for the first time when the Pastor says, the groom may kiss the bride now. :) ha
几百年没有跑，一跑就 hair hair kio (hokkien) little wonder why I can't last a few laps paddling around a swimming pool
i have a mountain to climb, other than Zion. the homework mountain. unlike other mountains, the only scenery is white. not white snow like the Everest, but white paper like dead trees.. they smell of death and reek of sleepless nights spent toiling amongst them I will conquer I will prevail. I will climb to the peak and probably blaze it all to the ground?
my afternoon naps are taking a toll on my time table. my subcutaneous adipose tissues are taking a toll on my physique. I think I need to lose more fat :( especially those in my curtain of the Greater Myssentry.
I'm quite glad the revision for Youth went out quite well with my busy schedule. but little john is down with super high fever. I hope he's still as happy as ever.
oh i can finally roll with holding the shaft of the paddle. its pretty slow progress but i figured i just need to relax even though im underwater, upside down, void of air and stuck in the cock pit. i will be a balleywood star soon, and then HANCOCK according to evil green pixie.
greetings to my beloved friends all back to their overseas dorm, boredom and academic pursuits. life is not the same without you guys, and this time we have to wait 2 years before having fun tgt again. guess it'll never be the same anymore... because by the time we'd have graduated and joined the workforce. hope we still keep our 童贞. Except 金宝.. who doesnt have any..she's so filled with paedopillic thoughts. UGH. wash your brain kim!
6+1 = 7 the magic number
random thought: being single is so good :) I think im turning 自恋 already. I miss being alone without the weary of work. two more months and hell will be temporarily passed! Christmas is near..
there is this sudden dread looming over my head. like an impending thunderstorm
people say that once you hit 20, 30 will be coming soon YIKES.
today i went to visit my old hunt. i went to jurong point. admist the buying of gifts for other fellow september babies... i was partly reminiscing the old days in RV pinafore, strolling down the deserted alleys of the mall during those lazy afternoon hours after school.
the place changed, but not quite. renovation works going on, with a new bus terminal, and certainly much more crowd since its a saturday.. i saw familiar shops at familiar spots, interwoven with new stalls i never seen before.
i squeezed through the crowd along the unfamiliar portions, only to arrive at that basement escalator that leads to the POSB Bank below, outside breadtalk. then i thought "oh! so this is where I am"
the place that i just walked through, used to be a dead end wall..
i never bothered to look down, to check if it was still a POSB Bank there. i assume it to be so.
I thought of the countless times i walked into the side entrance of the mall, with my friends.. from seondary one classmates, secondary one crush to secondary four buddies.. and even my very first boyfriend :) ha. it all seems so far away right now. yet so near. it was just at that spot.. that neoprint shop which is now no longer there.
where my childish puppy love waited for me during chinese new year in the deserted mall. where we catched the movie Peter Pan and took a neoprint. he was wearing his best i ever saw. i was wearing my sari and we smiled the heartiest smile of our lives.
i thought i found the one. and he thought too.. i hope.
it was in jurong point, or else in JEC.
it was also in jurong point i first met my last ex. it was the first time i noticed him, but not his first time.. he just booked out from army and i was just looking for something to destress admist my O levels mugging - i rmb i called it the Big Fat Os last time. and tore my Entry proof into pieces and probably burnt it after the last paper.
this uneasy acquaintances catched a movie together and become more than mere acquaintances. i dont know if i regret knowing him all i know is that without him bringing me to church i would probably be a worse wreck than i was then and there's no point in speculating the probabilities should things happened another way than they already have.
then i came home and turned on my facebook. i saw in an album "tell me this aint classics" by a fellow squadmate. and i saw myself, and my other RVNP Girls.. in our sec three days. i am sure.. taking a picture in who-knows-where. i miss those days when i had gung-ho friends pia-ing alongside with me every PT training every drill session. to stand under the hot sun and to get cramps from doing rusouk senjata with our M16s, all because we wanna put on our no.1 uniform and stand in the front row of the GOH Contingent. which was fated to be cancelled due to the stupid SARS!!! :( i did get to become contingent commander in supporting contingent holding a drill cane but not in my yearned for no.1 uniform the following year. except that i was glorified without my squadmates and the NCO squad was falling apart from internal conflicts and CCA Politics! :(
well, when you are old you tend to nag. so there, that's just part of the crazy days of my youth. the ones that are so far away from me i feel
those are the days i wasn't a Christian. where i fought and scolded that F word like it was la lor meh mah in my sentences.
JC days dont seem too far off yet because that was when i changed to become who i am now. maybe when im 25 years old.. i would look at my JC days and type an entry just like this one? who knows?
dare to love play hard study hard live life the fullest - the way the Lord has prepared for me
with no curves of any kind, New Alphabet is an uncompromising Dutch font designed in 1967.
