我决定了要积极。

我不要浪费我的生命。
再过十年，我就不是很年轻了。
这青春的最后十年，我要全力以赴！

Labels: 承诺

i'm pretty sure that my biological clock works with a temperature probe.

which is therefore impaired in an air conditioned room.

assignments submission dealines, 30% CA essay tests, tutorials all on the same week.

i am striving to keep my environment under control.
my control.

should we be versatile and adpat to our situations?
maybe we should be harsh to keep them within our control?

本小姐很忙。
也很闷。

是不是长大的人都是这样。
也许我的一生，以后都是如此。
工作人士 只不过是 习惯了。是么?

Labels: mugging ramblings

我有101个面具。
五花八门，千变万化。
它们都很好，有酷酷的，有耍帅的...
又好玩、说冷笑话的...
又可爱的。

我有101 个面具。
它们都很美。
它们都...不是我。
但 人们都误以为是我。
它们，好像成为了我的一部分似的。

我有101 个面具。
它们...很重很重。

我想把它们都卸下。
我要做那个贪玩的我，那个热爱生命的我。
我要做那个喜爱温书的我，做那个书呆子的我。
我要做运动健将的我，成为真正打从心里开心的我。

我要做那各方位卓越的孩子。
我要做那个不用戴面具的人。
我要做那个真正... 真正.... 不被嫌弃的... 就是不戴面具时也不会...

不对不对， 因为...那重来都不是我。

只有在我冷清，但又受控制的四面墙以内...才行。
行吗？

所以，我的房间是没有镜子的。

Labels: :(

many of u think that i am a boring person who don't watch taiwanese lousy ouxiangjus
and many will think that i am studying very hard.
but cos im stupid. my grades dont reflect my efforts.
however the past hour of my life have been spent on this:
my de-stresser which jerry thia intro-ed to me eons ago during A levels period i think. haha.
when i told him about nation states and my borborchacha nation.
OOSILABONGKONGKAMALUNISILAMO.

btw i dont watch taiwanese dramas cos they aren't worth my time. i'd rather watch japanese dramas. got 10000X better looking guys. i think hair-style is quite important. and any passerby on the jap drama frame is easily cooler than taiwanese kids. who by they way can't act too. ha.

i think i offended a lot of children by saying that.

i am going to run. and get the excess stress and weight out of my system.

today i learnt from my SS text that i have kept one of those exotic species in the ornamental aquarium trade that is now found in our lakes and drains that is threatening our native species.

GUILTY! but mine died.. i didn't let it go into the wild. unless it revived after i threw it away..



Grace and I plan to go to Africa for our year 4 holiday.
i hope we have the determination and means to realise that after 3 years!

all set and ready..
after a month in melancholy, time has awoken me to start doing what i should.

39 days and counting to exams.
and i should really work hard this semester.
i shall not forgive myself should i show insignificant improvement.
i have an attitude problem, thinking that i have learnt what is being taught.
and i therefore tend to join my ear canals into a pipeline during lectures.
worse, i am always late for physio.

just one month of hermit life should be the solution.
but i shall be diligent.
i shall not sleep and sleep like i have in the past month.
i should still stick to my early sleep early wake up routine i promised at the start of the year.

plan may have ceased for one month, but that's only 0.083 of the year. i still have 0.917 of the year to go!

i went though a whole stack of newspapers today, to find some information on singapore.
oh btw, i had bought two min lobsters again
he was the inspiration for my project aquarium that died few years back when the stupid PUB people came to clean the water tank of my HDB Flat, adding toxic chemicals to the water.
all my beloved pets died.
like a ghost dagger fish, two snails, two enormous tortoise, my 3 year old lobster (was a mini lobster but wasn't mini after 3 years).
not to mention my 9 fire bellied salamander who couldn't take our chlorine-rich tap water in the first place.

one of my mini lobster already died within days.
stupid uncle must have given me lousiest of the pod.
i wanted those super fierce kind.
now the 1 that is left just freaks out at the sight of me.. siann..
but he's tank is still mini, so i can see him anyway.

i fed him instant oats. and i think he ate it.
lobsters and prawns eat all the rubbish in the world.
i fed him the lil bit of oats left in my oats can so that i can have a retro container to store things.
but i have this deep laceration now while washing the thin can. ugh.
part of my skin was adhered to the rough edges of aluminium by the can opening.
can't play my guitar properly for a day or two i guess.

okay, pharmaceutical calculations beckon me to solve problems and puzzles.
the only thing i think important in the whole pharmacy module this semester.
if i fail, next time i might just overdose my patients with poison!
adios~

Labels: updates, vacation

突然，被一阵莫名的空虚包围着。
不知道，前面...因该...怎样。

怎么..就是这么大的世界，也没有能倾诉的对象。
我生命中，有两种人。
一种就是现在听了，也不会了解的人。
另一种，可能听了。会少爱我一点的人。
可能，也有另一种，听了会被我绊倒的人。

所以，我不对第一种和第三种人表露出我生命中的无奈。
我也不懂得，第二种人 接纳我的程度。

就是：空、虚 。

Labels: :(

i have 42 more days to the start of final exams.

and short term assignments: Practical Test Tmr, Natural Heritage Essay Test next week, Freshmen Seminar 10-page report & presentation following week.

mug-mode initiation complex activated. adrenaline secretion heightened, fight or flight response rising.

i dont know why the Life Sciences lecturer extends 2 lectures beyond what he is supposed to teach. so tiring to come and listent to methionine, transcription factors, mutation and 3' 5' exonuclease activity everytime.
attending his lectures just make me know that Colour-Along-With-Miss-Ong in HC Biology Lectures last time was probably a Life Science level 2000 module if taught at NUS.

i memorised every step of every process in the Central Dogma of Molecular Biology.
helicase, making transient break in the TATA Pribnow Box, Single-strand Binding proteins to preserve integrity of DNA molecule, RNA Primase to add RNA Primer because DNA Polymerase is unable to start replication, DNA Polymerase reading template strand from 3' to 5', synthesising new DNA from 5' to 3'.

I rmb asking Ms Keung why the silly cell dont want to open up and then replicate the non-leading strand/ lagging strand. and she said that was a stupid question, and already told us not to ask such questions. and i was thinking, this is the first bio tutorial i am at, and the first question i ask, which i seriously wanted to know. what an unfair remark. and Okazaki fragments are so ma fan.
i never really asked her questions after that. so demoralising!
very stupid meh. can't you just say that like that can preserve DNA integrity more.

im glad i found out my own answer.
even though much later when i have settled down in HC.
HC Bio really rocks, i made the right choice to switch sch, regarding this matter.

im starting up my engines, and gearing up for exams.
i failed the last semester,
and i could probably blame it on being unable to adjust to the new environment.
but no.
this semester, no way.. i know my problem, i keep thinking i learn before then heck.
im going to eat sleep drink my darling HC notes. and disturb them in thier graves.

i hope i can pull my CAP back to a normal acceptable level by my standards.

Labels: updates

im freaking pissed
you know
i am not superwoman
sometimes i think, if u dont attitude, people dont know that you really cannot take it.

why only when ppl attitude then others know that cannot force things on them?
i already said, a lot of times, ONE FINE DAY is very near my exams.
i get piled with a million and one logisitics, a million and one games, a million and one registration.
which i think usually three people are assigned to do, and i can't even find a helper.
just cos they playing something
wah lao, i go and play captain's ball or something lah

i force shit out also can win tug of war.
i so look forward to the end of that not very fine day.
it was fine until i received so much.

fine, i will attitude.
because.
i am a student.
i need to study
get it?

give me a break.
for goodness sake!

Labels: :(, ministry, S.T.R.E.S.S.

我有101个面具。
大家都爱它们， 你喜欢哪一个？ 我戴上，让你看，让你开心。
让你看我的时候，舒服一点。

我有101个面具。
但没有人真的喜欢看我的脸。
没有。

看了就厌倦，
见了就厌烦。
我也不想看我的脸了。

祢呢？


今天，我更想自闭了。
我也想...不过...

Labels: :(

today marks the end of LSM practicals.
but we have to bring it hope to draw a multitude of graphs.

i think my lab buddy rocks. and we have so much rapport between us.

we made serious mistakes throughout today's practical.
and though we had brilliant planning, our mistakes caused our presence in the laboratory to linger another hour more.
we could have finihsed a 4h practical in 1h15min including briefing and all that!

but we spent about 2.5h there in the end. and not completing the report yet! :(

first time we didn't dilute our enzyme and added concentrated enzymes into our 16 testtubes and even finished water bathing it for 15 minutes.
second time we diluted our enzyme! yay.
but with distilled water instead of buffer solution.
then we diluted it with buffer solution properly, and added all the constituents in varying amount into 16 different test tubes. and went to re-water bath them again.
after waiting for 5min or so.
I realised that our enzymes are still staring at us.
we forgot to add them in though we diluted it properly.
smart right.
so we went and get back our 16 tubies from the bath and added enzymes in.
we realised we didn't have enough enzyme solution and had to stagger our 16 tubies, adding some to the water bath while preparing the enzyme for the rest.

and so we spent so much more time in the lab.
wasted.

but some people did theirs once without fail.
and finished after us.
it's still a feat in itself isn't it.
to be able to forget so much, yet do so much in the time we spent.

kudos to the hwachong team.
my fellow IMCB Attachee turned lab buddy.

i think we compliment each other very well.
no more LSM practicals!! :D
i hope i do well for this last one.

Labels: sillythings, yay

i am constipated, i dont know if im hungry, very cold and also waiting for slow printing. bleahs
today is the start of the mad rush.
for the whole of the mid sem break i was thinking that i have less than a month to exams, thinking that march end come april will be exams and then i have to pia. but guess what, its actually end april come may then they will come.
but anyhow.. i told a million people im not free and exams are coming.
lol.

zibi mode turned on.
i love to study. i love to study.
its good for health.. and so i will psycho myself..

i have to give my talk on scientific discovery later.
i have come to realised that talking for five minutes is really short.
and hope i smoke well later.
:)
but NUS is a smoke free campus.

Labels: sian