melamine melamine why are you everywhere!

today i decided to wiki melamine instead of leaving my knowledge to 三聚氰胺 and that the process that is exploited by those evil manufactures to be on the basis of 氮 in the food.

Labels: :(

yesterday as i was typing down my many thank yous,
he was already dead

yesterday was a celebration of life, and tonight a recollection of the dead

where would he go, i pondered..as well as the common friend we had
we all know

this is my first funeral of someone i knew personally.
and only my second funeral of my life.

i still don't know what to say to the family..
我想这世界上没有比失去孩子更痛心的事。

我坚持不要看尸体。
不是害怕死人，是害怕情绪波动
现在回想起来...Anatomy Lab的尸体，每一个都是个父亲、朋友、兄弟 (刚好都是男的）
其实对待他门（不是它们）因该多些尊重。

我不看认识的人的尸体
会开刀的医生不一定在他最亲的人身上能动手术，是吗？

死亡是必经之路。 地狱绝对不是。
你知道你往哪儿去吗？

思想这些太抽象了吗？太早了吗？太迷信了吗？
人死后，就ashes to ashes dust to dust, all the nutrients just degrade back to the soil 而已吗？
你....确定吗？

why is it that our advanced medical science still cannot produce but only can replicate life (in imperfect ways).
Life, is more than just enzymatic reactions more than just sustained by molecules placed in the right places.

花一些时间认真，诚实的对待...
想一想

Labels: :(

Celebrations
Meiyee + Wen + ALL
yummy buffet lunch::loved the sashimi & bread pudding & ginseng soup

canoe.polo.girls
funny surprise for us september babies::& lizard trying to distract us although her hand was hurting

SPLASH
another surprise! guest starring Mummyee & Wen:: cake fight is so nostalgic
used to have to clean up my school canteen back then
even Min Nan sneaked an attack on me :o

Wishes
Church: a million and one
05s78: RVians - GreenPixie, Yings + Ang Chieh, Kimbo, Nicholas, Biondi, Li Min, Andy
NUS Canoe Polo: Joycelyn, Van, Lizard
NUS Pharm: Kah Mun, fellow Grace the unglam, ClaraFu, Yinshan (06S78)
05S21: Chee Yen :O + Ang SY
RV: Boonie, Sixuan (-1; cos i wished her instead ha. same bdae), Gillian

Gifts!
Hercules Auto-Grip Guitar Stand sis
Pink Polo Tee Meiyee+ Wen
NONGirly Flowers Meiyee + Wen
Boat Figurine (they couldnt find a canoe) Meiyee + Wen
Beautiful Photo from the Happy Family
NEW BOOK to read! Splash
Threadless Tee ying
Random Greece Photo + Keychain kimberle

and loads of cakes to eat, three days in a row from CanoePolo then from FengSheng and then from Splash.

its weird to write all these down, but its for record's sake.. one day i'd read through this and rmb all the love.:)

Labels: canoe polo, love:), nostalgia, updates, vacation, yay

there goes my youth

there is this sudden dread looming over my head.
like an impending thunderstorm

people say that once you hit 20, 30 will be coming soon
YIKES.

today i went to visit my old hunt.
i went to jurong point.
admist the buying of gifts for other fellow september babies... i was partly reminiscing the old days in RV pinafore, strolling down the deserted alleys of the mall during those lazy afternoon hours after school.

the place changed, but not quite.
renovation works going on, with a new bus terminal, and certainly much more crowd since its a saturday..
i saw familiar shops at familiar spots, interwoven with new stalls i never seen before.

i squeezed through the crowd along the unfamiliar portions, only to arrive at that basement escalator that leads to the POSB Bank below, outside breadtalk.
then i thought "oh! so this is where I am"

the place that i just walked through, used to be a dead end wall..

i never bothered to look down, to check if it was still a POSB Bank there.
i assume it to be so.

I thought of the countless times i walked into the side entrance of the mall, with my friends..
from seondary one classmates, secondary one crush to secondary four buddies..
and even my very first boyfriend :)
ha. it all seems so far away right now. yet so near.
it was just at that spot.. that neoprint shop which is now no longer there.

where my childish puppy love waited for me during chinese new year in the deserted mall.
where we catched the movie Peter Pan and took a neoprint.
he was wearing his best i ever saw.
i was wearing my sari and we smiled the heartiest smile of our lives.

i thought i found the one.
and he thought too.. i hope.

it was in jurong point, or else in JEC.

it was also in jurong point i first met my last ex.
it was the first time i noticed him, but not his first time..
he just booked out from army and i was just looking for something to destress admist my O levels mugging - i rmb i called it the Big Fat Os last time.
and tore my Entry proof into pieces and probably burnt it after the last paper.

this uneasy acquaintances catched a movie together and become more than mere acquaintances.
i dont know if i regret knowing him
all i know is that without him bringing me to church
i would probably be a worse wreck than i was then
and there's no point in speculating the probabilities should things happened another way than they already have.

then i came home and turned on my facebook.
i saw in an album "tell me this aint classics" by a fellow squadmate.
and i saw myself, and my other RVNP Girls.. in our sec three days. i am sure..
taking a picture in who-knows-where.
i miss those days when i had gung-ho friends pia-ing alongside with me every PT training every drill session.
to stand under the hot sun and to get cramps from doing rusouk senjata with our M16s, all because we wanna put on our no.1 uniform and stand in the front row of the GOH Contingent. which was fated to be cancelled due to the stupid SARS!!! :(
i did get to become contingent commander in supporting contingent holding a drill cane but not in my yearned for no.1 uniform the following year.
except that i was glorified without my squadmates and the NCO squad was falling apart from internal conflicts and CCA Politics! :(

well, when you are old you tend to nag.
so there, that's just part of the crazy days of my youth.
the ones that are so far away from me i feel

those are the days i wasn't a Christian.
where i fought and scolded that F word like it was la lor meh mah in my sentences.

JC days dont seem too far off yet because that was when i changed to become who i am now.
maybe when im 25 years old.. i would look at my JC days and type an entry just like this one?
who knows?

dare to love
play hard study hard
live life the fullest - the way the Lord has prepared for me

Labels: love:), nostalgia, sillythings, yay

oh the very thought of recess break coming perks me up
to pen down this very stimulating thought of the century

just came back from canoe polo

i am very excited.
i dont know why
maybe its because i wont have 8am lectures for one week
and no dreaded thursdays with 8am to 5pm lessons

i am very busy
i dont know why
its supposed to be holdiays
and i was supposed to have diving trip to tioman to get my advanced open water diving license course

now i have outing with my Thai class to go eat Thai food with our ?aacaan (teacher)
and to go play mahjong. i wonder if ?aacaan can play mahjong

now i have training during recess (YAYs)
now maybe i will go for some pharmacy workshop too

now i have tuitions X 3 as usual
and the ACS(I) IP syllabus is not very practical for the normally intelligent student.
it's catered to the crazily intelligent kind.
I have two ACS(I) Students.
luckily one is just sec two so i still dont need to refer to anything
everything he needs to know i have in my head permanently already.

None of my students are from the NORMAL government school.
they are either IP or international school

why am i still feeling happy while typing all these.

oh and i am finally going to have discipleship again.
it's been ages.
i miss it. and i wanna go for 4th service too! :D

by the way, the comic strip a few entries ago was posted with a sense of humour.
i am not unhappy about my birthday
though i am about other stuff(s). :(

Labels: updates, vacation, yay

because today i did a paddle roll

from henceforth i shall be called a Paddle Pop

我是黑色的绵羊。

Labels: canoe polo

watched finals today. a rare Sunday when church services are late in the evening.
这是我表达但不表露的途径
thanks to moon cake festival.
不知不觉就是倒数我20岁生日的最后7天
and watching watching i heard i a grossly familiar voice!
怎么....那么快
it's a little green evil pixie from the far ends of the island.
今年没什么特别感觉 － 就是觉得老了
the kind that Wants Everything Now, and insists that you Hurry Up.
只想做我一直向往的事
things went preferably well today
我想与一群亲密的朋友，在阳光中潇洒地度过
work work work.
这个是个奢望，是我好姐妹所说“不可能的”事
when did my Sundays become like that, only
为什么。因为我在这世界上，找不到
yes this is a special Sunday,
找不到 － 爱主 又 那么爱我的人。
but no, my Sundays have been steered toward a certain attitude.
找不到愿意如此的人。
that i enjoy 4th services nowadays.
(the feeling of being at service, for the WORD, not to serve)
更在爱好相同的人群中，找不到投机，又爱主的朋友
still black face. whatever.
也许就是我的这堵墙 － 注定我一辈子的孤独。
it's good getting it out of my chest though.
我不甘心 － 一定有的，总有一天我会找着
at least i told wen briefly about it.
希望我终生伴侣就是如此。hng
and i could hear myself say things i really think

for out of the abundance of the heart the mouth speaks

although it wasn't anything positive
爱。在哪里。
i am not a super spiritual person.
我失去了
I AM NOT.
我害怕，再也找不着了
and i DONT want to be.
我心中的爱，离开了我吗？
i want to find 志同道合 friends like everybody

people MY age group okay..

enough said.

my resolve for God will NOT change.
I repeat - WILL NOT change.

yes I love sun sand sea

yes I love paddling in the sun

yes I would love to stay for competition all Sunday and enjoy.

yes I wanted to even be a kayak coach

no it is NOT WORTH IT to give it up for the one thing that satisfies my soul

even when I'm down and out.

the one person that does not only is some vague form of emotional support.

he also provides the BEST way out!

i believe that at the lowest point in my life, when i am stuck with real issues

when i have the deepest sorrow that seems to be tearing my heart apart.

when i cry my lungs out, my eyeballs out..

canoeing is not going to anything to help

and it cant.

only my Jesus can.

I am my Beloved's, and His desire is towards me.

i told myself: i am meant for bigger things
then i heard a voice reply: if you can't handle these little ones, how do u move on to the bigger things?

Labels: canoe polo, ministry, 我的良人, 承诺

people in the Amazon make a long route across the terrain to arrive at a river to canoe for 4 days with supplies for a month, to meet up for prayer meetings.

i canoe for fun i lament i have no time for God

有些事情是不能逃避的。
最近，有些无奈也有些接受...我需要面对的问题。

曾经有人向我提出的issues
使我捉摸不定，仿佛就在折磨我。
搞不懂她为什么要这样 － 逼我面对。
因为是迟早的事。

我想了，但不算想通。
面对了，但并非正确。

理想与抱负是我的推动力。
命定与顺服是我的挣扎。

又不能去潜水了，无可否定的是神的安排。
没有很大的埋怨。
因为也没有很大的期盼。

但是期盼能成就大事、期盼能够成为我心中所要成为的....
一切一切都折腾着我。
我还是 － 阳光、沙滩、海洋。

没错 － 我的理想中没有其他人类。
不是不可望陪伴。
是不敢奢望，不愿有任何遐想。

Labels: :(, canoe polo

功课泛滥的时候耶稣掌权
四天有test的时候耶稣掌权

不看环境只要全心来相信
耶稣掌权 他凡事都掌权

Labels: mugging ramblings, 我的良人

like totally worth it! :D

pity i wasn't around for the set on you mass dance when that was like why i went..
i let my dance partner down!
and left in the midst of mass dance.

afterall, thats the only dance i can do.
oiishi pizza was oiishi
05S78 was relatively on time this round - we actually could eat and go for MAF. lol.

nostalgia and everything.
best MAF they said.
first MAF i said.

and im remembered by random friends of friends as the one who goes around with a turtle on the stick -.-
they even had a fountain and dry ice and chemical fuel (as in some metal compound) to burn this year - the clouds were burning in blue flames :)

猗与华中 南方之强 我中华之光
雄立狮岛 式是炎荒 万世其无疆

Labels: 05S78, HC

mum's back :) finally

MAF later.
i never went for MAF before
hope i dont regret going..
slept till ike 12pm, ate 1.30pm, slacked till now though hmwks piling.

就是那种只想包头大睡的感觉。
什么都不想理会。
这世界上，怎么就是有无法摆脱无法逃避的事。
小时候包头大睡一定管用。现在却于事无补...
反而更糟糕。

烦死了

Labels: mugging ramblings, sian, yay

today we got our tentative positions in the game

soon we'd get to play the real thing, roll and tackle each other in the pool:)
my father is amused that such a game even exists lol

study back locks still on
conquering one by one

and great. now i have three tuitions (= 3 nights)
3 days of training.
1 weekday of serving
i need to become super woman

and anw think im going for Advance Open Water Diving License!! :D
Night dives would be fun!! seeing those luminous fishies.... ~ ahh.. life!
Pity that I'm going like Tioman AGAIN.
which was where i took my open water :S
Love! <3

Labels: canoe polo, yay