there goes my youth

there is this sudden dread looming over my head.
like an impending thunderstorm

people say that once you hit 20, 30 will be coming soon
YIKES.

today i went to visit my old hunt.
i went to jurong point.
admist the buying of gifts for other fellow september babies... i was partly reminiscing the old days in RV pinafore, strolling down the deserted alleys of the mall during those lazy afternoon hours after school.

the place changed, but not quite.
renovation works going on, with a new bus terminal, and certainly much more crowd since its a saturday..
i saw familiar shops at familiar spots, interwoven with new stalls i never seen before.

i squeezed through the crowd along the unfamiliar portions, only to arrive at that basement escalator that leads to the POSB Bank below, outside breadtalk.
then i thought "oh! so this is where I am"

the place that i just walked through, used to be a dead end wall..

i never bothered to look down, to check if it was still a POSB Bank there.
i assume it to be so.

I thought of the countless times i walked into the side entrance of the mall, with my friends..
from seondary one classmates, secondary one crush to secondary four buddies..
and even my very first boyfriend :)
ha. it all seems so far away right now. yet so near.
it was just at that spot.. that neoprint shop which is now no longer there.

where my childish puppy love waited for me during chinese new year in the deserted mall.
where we catched the movie Peter Pan and took a neoprint.
he was wearing his best i ever saw.
i was wearing my sari and we smiled the heartiest smile of our lives.

i thought i found the one.
and he thought too.. i hope.

it was in jurong point, or else in JEC.

it was also in jurong point i first met my last ex.
it was the first time i noticed him, but not his first time..
he just booked out from army and i was just looking for something to destress admist my O levels mugging - i rmb i called it the Big Fat Os last time.
and tore my Entry proof into pieces and probably burnt it after the last paper.

this uneasy acquaintances catched a movie together and become more than mere acquaintances.
i dont know if i regret knowing him
all i know is that without him bringing me to church
i would probably be a worse wreck than i was then
and there's no point in speculating the probabilities should things happened another way than they already have.

then i came home and turned on my facebook.
i saw in an album "tell me this aint classics" by a fellow squadmate.
and i saw myself, and my other RVNP Girls.. in our sec three days. i am sure..
taking a picture in who-knows-where.
i miss those days when i had gung-ho friends pia-ing alongside with me every PT training every drill session.
to stand under the hot sun and to get cramps from doing rusouk senjata with our M16s, all because we wanna put on our no.1 uniform and stand in the front row of the GOH Contingent. which was fated to be cancelled due to the stupid SARS!!! :(
i did get to become contingent commander in supporting contingent holding a drill cane but not in my yearned for no.1 uniform the following year.
except that i was glorified without my squadmates and the NCO squad was falling apart from internal conflicts and CCA Politics! :(

well, when you are old you tend to nag.
so there, that's just part of the crazy days of my youth.
the ones that are so far away from me i feel

those are the days i wasn't a Christian.
where i fought and scolded that F word like it was la lor meh mah in my sentences.

JC days dont seem too far off yet because that was when i changed to become who i am now.
maybe when im 25 years old.. i would look at my JC days and type an entry just like this one?
who knows?

dare to love
play hard study hard
live life the fullest - the way the Lord has prepared for me

Labels: love:), nostalgia, sillythings, yay