Goal setting is very important!

Project Golden Tortoise

Mondays, Wednesday, Fridays and Sunday Mornings:
40min routine warm up exercises at sixth avenue before heading off for school.

Tuesdays, Thursdays, Saturday Mornings:
40min super slow jog with heavy perfume at selected landed property areas.

Target: Secure lifelong income whilst ceasing to study at NUS, skipping all semesters thereafter.
WOOHOO~

Labels: sillythings

我只是不喜欢被我放在心上的人遗忘。
真的
很不喜欢。

忘记 ＝ 不重要
不是每个你当作重要的人都会相同的对待你。

嘴里说是一回事
行动才是真正的体现

没有什么人会当面说中伤你的话。
可是他们的行动是你真正评估的途径。

Labels: :(

世界，只要有人，就会有不能控制的情况。
越多人，控制的范围就相比的越小。
控制不到的就是伤害。
只要没有人，就没有伤害。
有些人，不大会伤害其他人。
可以姑且保留。
其他的，不值得允许进入。
进入我唯一管辖的世界。

保留下的人未必就是天使。
受伤之后，就把他们遣送出国。
这是保障国土，捍卫疆土的途径 － 我唯一会采取的措施。

Labels: :(, sillythings

无意中，打开了电视看见了熟悉的画面。
刹那间，我就能认出就是2004年到电影院看的《彼得潘》

继续看，看见了我从前曾经感到共鸣的几个情节。
回想着，我当年未成长的复杂心情 － 就跟戏中的彼得潘一样。
我 不想长大。

当时，我好像也在挣扎。
挣扎，在教会里我不能做我自己。
挣扎，我得长大成为一个似乎很无聊的大人。

很无聊，因为每天背负着责任、重担、压力、要求生活。
背负着，我得照顾到的人。

就像彼得潘一样，我想永永远远是个孩子。
逍遥、自在、快活！
没有压力、没有约束，
但是 Never Never Land 是假的。
无可否认，彼得潘是个自私的孩子。

就算 Never Never Land 真的存在，也是一个没有目的，没有影响力的世界。
它的确好玩。但玩有时，工作有时。
我不希望我的生命永远像他的一样 － don't count towards anything.
完全没有意义！

最后的结局，彼得潘的朋友们，都选择了要回到世界上，成长。
他们虽然不能像彼得潘一样，比全世界的孩子都玩得那么自由自在（没有父母，随心所欲）
但是他，也没有了父母的爱，也没有宝贵的教导。

天下还是有他永尝不到的滋味：成长中因为有挣扎，而衬托出其中之蜜。

我希望，我永远都不会停止成长。
很多人，到了某个年龄，似乎思想呆滞不前，性格定型，无法更改。
2008 年，4 年后的今天再看这出戏...我知道：我成长了。
因为想法不再像以前的一样。不觉得成长就是一种很恶心的事。

但是它还是一个很难熬的过程。
回顾2008：我只知道，神怜悯了我。
我参加了轻艇水球 －他保守了我的腰，不受伤。
我课外活动占据了我大部分的时间精力－ 他保守了我的成绩。
我心所渴慕的他赐给了我。
我今年这学期，终于能修泰文，有能考到A-.
坦白说，习惯了Straight As, 一路走来， 进了大学从来没有A的我...
好像终于懂得为我的A- 而感恩了。

我不敢说：我是全心全意爱神的。
因为今年，我最大的挣扎，就是在神和轻艇水球之间取舍。
虽然感谢神我做了对的决定，但我心中仍放不下。

我敢说，我爱神多过我爱轻艇水球。
但是我爱轻艇水球，多过爱青年聚会。

要不是神加添的新灵魂，青年聚会将是我手头上最低priority的事。
我完全不讨神喜悦。
可是，我真的没有爱神爱到能把神心上的事看为比我的事更为重要，把一个没有关系建立的例常形式当成我生命的摆上，到一个受到我渴望建立关系的人们中遭白眼。
人非圣贤，孰能无过？
何人成得上是完全？
真的，我有在世界眼里，大把更好的路可以选择。
至少我能把我的时间花在完成我的课业。

我很厌烦，我没有异象，我不知道我为什么在与你们同工。
这不是你们的问题。是我得寻求神。
我希望2009 年，我会寻见。

人际关系从来不是我的强项。
也不是我爱琢磨的课题。

我不完全。请原谅我。
但是，你们的态度也使复合更困难。
别装成一副满不在乎的态度。酷的定义，你们搞错了。

伤人，绝不是刻意。
不说，我永远不知道问题在哪里。

Labels: :(, ministry, movies, sillythings

Merry Christmas to all:)

Cornerstonians, 05S78ers, NUS Pharmers, Polo girls, whoever who is reading this blog

and the garang guni who is still working on Xmas day

Labels: vacation

Caroling @ SGH this evening was fun:)
I have no photos and I doubt anybody took any.
There simply was no time

but I like what happened:
the patients smiled :)

it's a joy to bring people joy
'tis the season to be jolly falalalala~

if only we could HUG the patients!
since they can't escape from their bed.
maybe, they could be hugged to health, like Heidi Baker did!

one day, I wanna go do something like that for God too

SPLASH - Aspiring Greatness

Labels: ministry, yay

nowadays, you see couples being so intimate on the buses and trains.
i wonder, why divorce and break up rates are on a all time high, if they truly are so loving and expressive compared to the last generation of older folks?

i guess sometimes, the girl's a trophy to the guy, and less commonly, vice versa.
and unrealistic expectations strain the unrealistic incompatible relationship and they still fail to work out in the end.

or maybe because I is more important than U in such relationships
so it will never work out.

what's all the kissing and hugging and touching
when it's all gonna last for a few months and you change another to do the same thing, get into the same problem and break up again.
SILLY.

I think a guy who is serious about you, won't mind just holding your hand till the day you two get married and kiss you for the first time when the Pastor says, the groom may kiss the bride now. :) ha

Labels: sillythings

I'm so happy happy happy.
My to-do list was NEVER embarked on.
now I have more to do
but I also feel I have more in me to go on:D

BIG THANK YOU to my Lord :)
who refreshed me during the retreat.

wasn't having much personal time but was still manageable within comfortable levels.
though I would need so 自闭time these few days.
I wonder how, with the work I need to do:D

spending the nights facing the sea and sorting out my thoughts was great.
some issues have to be settled.
some breaking has to be done.
i love You


most of the time we just fellowship-ed in the resort
playing uno and saboteur and reading books (some others sleeping)

baby sitting was fun.
here's my 小朋友what i appreciate most about the camp?
I don't think Banana Boat was high on the list but I so so wanted to go on it, so there were 6 others who just accompanied this other little one and went on the Banana Boat :) Thanks. :')

Labels: love:), vacation, yay

with a long to-do list for the next 4 days.
I'm going to my all-time favourite 阳光沙滩海洋 kindda places...in Malaysia.

well, it's much needed right now.. I hope I get some answers and fun with the old folks.
ha, they're so gonna kill me if they read this,
but luckily most aren't going to see this :)

be back with pictures and a refreshed spirit on 12th December.

Labels: vacation

not too much joy.
not too much sorrow.
it's official i'm out.

somehow i never got my hopes too high when things seemed possible to work out.

i'd still be there to cheer u guys on.
i hope one day, there'd be a miracle.

but honestly, its probable that this be an eternal problem
and then i ask myself, why are u in the sport?

Labels: canoe polo

Definitely a reason to rejoice, definitely a time to rest.
Surprisingly a time of taking stock of my life, and I don't feel good about it at all.

Exams
really, i think i let myself down
what happened to my disicpline and determination
i think my concentration just dwindled down throughout the examination periods
promises i made to myself i broke within days

i need to focus, and i am not looking forward to getting ANY of the results
if i get a C, i might as well close losing the chance of doing FYP and end up doing a 4 year Degree w/o honours

Canoe Polo
yes, i totally understand the need to train together, the importance of it all
i desire to be but i desire not only canoe polo
i just hope I can be allowed to play even with my priorities set as it is now...
being a leader means you have less rights... says aunty ruby
sure, giving up my rights for God is something I can reconcile with myself and am willing to let it go, to the extent i am doing now.
I have been mentally preparing myself of the probability of getting out of polo, the moment I got in. Not out because of myself, but out because anytime God can say.. that's hindering my availability and willingness even to serve Him. or the demands compromises matters of Him.
but I don't think I am ready as yet.
I think this semester God has been ever so kind and loving, that He has guarded my back during all those rolls I have been doing, stern dips and stuff. I believe my back condition in JC was in His will and His Sovereign way of taking me out of my academic committments (cos I have a valid reason for being CCA-less). but it also took away all the pride I have with sports and being able, and zai and all that stuff I thought I was in RV.
somehow I fear not being to catch up with everybody cos I sprint so slow, can't roll, and ain't really as available for trainings. maybe, I am every coaches' nightmare.. staying on and cannot commit? What am I up to...This is what: I'd love to play, i WANT to play... but my God comes first. that's all I can say.

I have friends that refuses to hang out on Sundays (or Saturdays) because it's "boyfriend day". The day of the week they spend time with her boyfriend only and no friends can date them out at all...and that's the kind of commitment a relationship should have I would say. Although it's exasperating at times for the rest of us, but that's how it is. They can say sorry a thousand times but boyfriend day is still boyfriend day. Sunday is Sunday...my God deserves it. He loves me beyond anyone.
ah, it's not everyone would understand but I'd just pen down my thoughts here anyway.

I am not one bit offended. I understand the concerns of both canoe polo go-ers and church leadership..but I still have to make a decision rite. this is it. just bracing myself for the consequences.

Ministry
Praise The Lord! So many new souls have been ushered into the youth!
precisely what we have been praying for, and yet.. there's this uneasy burden in my heart.
not a Godly burden. but a tension in me - this semester has been a stepping out of "church is my CCA" phase in my life and into a "canoe polo is the thing for me" attitude.
I know the model Godly answer: Souls are the eternal rewards in the Kingdom of Heaven.
hey, i TOTALLY believe that. yes! but you know, canoe polo is so me-ish, with the capital M.

then i have the LOUD selfish voice going: eh i got exams i got no time and hello, i cmi anw. like how on earth do i know how to take care of young believers?

and i vividly remembered that evening 4th service that i went - when God promised a season, a new season of productivity to me. I was so excited. now it feels like I am getting a CA results and I think I am going to fail badly. :( how?!?!?!!:(

Attitude
nah, i where got attitude... i always try to smile and be nice.
yah rite.
in church lah, more than other places..then again, I think I am no longer living as much a double life anymore. cos my attitude is bad everywhere.
think I have been super task oriented. super focus on Me Myself and I.
that I have neglected my fellow pharmers...and even aunty joanne says I am very fierce. I thought it was just I forgot to smile, i thought no lah, I'm growing up.. u expect me to always be xiao xiao and bump around to tell u things meh. I only tell u seriously, never joke like that xiao xiao used to what...

today, i really think i got an attitude problem
not that i never had
but i think since i became a Christian, its the first time its never improved, but deproved instead.
ahhhh. i think im so angry about some stuff. i just don't know where to start. and the superficial things are not the true reason. maybe even me myself don't know what.

i need to settle this before the tackle the next:


Church Work

all the library and the glass cleaning and stuff.
i have not been touching them.
and i am going to work on them
clear all the useless paper work i have stacked up over 2007 period i have been working there, up to the beginning of this semester.
time to set things in order. get those skeletons out of the closet and sweep away the dust.

for one i am determined to only have an in tray & not a separate stack of paper work accredited to me who isn't there to clear it up.

glass cleaning, logistics, i need to set things right.
i need to set myself right before I can even set others right.
wisdom needed. James 1:5 :)

i don't think anybody would have survived that, it's just for me to pen down some thoughts.
and many ppl won't be able to understand all the parts.
either u understand some or none but not all.
anyway, u probably have just scrolled down here to read the conclusions or something..
whatever it is.

my traditional post examinations ritual: PACK MY ROOM.
going to sleep and starting the age-old ritual in the morning.
loves:)

Labels: :(, examinations, ministry, updates, 承诺